


Abandoned In The Loneliness Of A Deep Dark Rain

by InsomniaMagic



Series: The Soul Should Always Be Open Wide [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi and Kuroo are prevalent, Bokuto is not there personaly, First Date, First Meetings, Haru and Rin from Free mentioned in later chapters, M/M, Please correct me, University Setting, if I tagged something wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-09 17:13:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13486065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsomniaMagic/pseuds/InsomniaMagic
Summary: Kuroo saw him through the raindrops as he danced with the moves of a fairy. Akaashi saw him dancing at the stripping competition, being smitten not with the moves, but with the kindness. They meet, but they don´t dance; it rains on them, they welcome it with opened hands. But maybe it wasn´t their fate.…and you said to me, I´ll stay.…then you promised there will always be us.…later, you swore we can only go forward.…suddenly we changed back into me.We left, us disappeared, we stopped.





	1. AIMING AT TRUTH

**Author's Note:**

> This is another part of the small universe I created, this one being the prequel, so it can be read without any other content (you don´t have to read the other stories in this series). I loved writing this, it is certainly different for me, I had to be very careful how I structured the chapters. I know there is not much feedback to these, but if there is at least one person who likes it, I will be happy. Also, I had to get the story out of my system, it was gnawing on me for such a long time, I couldn´t resist anymore. 
> 
> Please, enjoy!

It was raining the first day I saw you.

It was raining the day I saw you last.

 

**1**

Kuroo Tetsurou inhaled all the wild beauty spring provided. The flora and greenery surrounding him were stunning and Kuroo felt as a hero of his own romantic movie, preferably comedy. Something special lurked in the air, the uncertainty of what a second year might bring and the certainty of his excitement for even more unexplored university life.

There was a ping of sadness in his chest, the kind of loneliness that could never calm down. He thought of his best friend Bokuto Koutaro, how he might be feeling right now, cities and studies apart unlike the time spent in high school. Their meetings were becoming sparser than they already have been.

In the end, Kuroo smiled. The connection was maintained through the thing which mattered the most. The volleyball matches on the huge court, surrounded by the fans and haters alike, as a destined rivals, but also destined friends, who chose to become the best ones. It was impossible for them to grow apart, in any lifetime or universe.

Kuroo grinned, followed by immediate frown. First raindrops fell on him, getting stronger with every second. Don´t let the spring gloom get to you, Kuroo thought. It can come as fast as the spring joy. He stretched his arms and back, not worrying about other people noticing his weird face expressions.

He walked towards the coffee shop right around the corner, got the black coffee as usual and turned around, glaring at the veil of water. Even that could not stop Kuroo from noticing them, noticing him. Curiosity made him turn, to look over his shoulder through the huge glass window of a dance studio with ballroom practice in a full swing.

That was not exactly the thing getting his attention.

There he was. The man out of fantasy worlds, real life fairy adorning the world of ordinary mortal creatures with its presence.

He moved gracefully, as if gravity didn´t affect him. Every maneuver of the hands, feet or head even were out of this world, not for the sight of impure souls like Kuroo Tetsurou. The dance this man provided the universe with was ethereal, eternal and all-consuming.

Kuroo moved closer, dark eyes watching only him, even though he was surrounded by other people performing the same choreography. Man´s short black hair danced with him, those emerald green eyes being lost in a feeling of seemingly aerial movement. Stern face didn´t betray any kind of emotion, unlike with other dancers inside of a studio.

Maybe that was exactly what got Kuroo so interested. Man´s motions belonged on the dance floor, his face did not. Kuroo desired to learn about him, to understand what was hiding behind the façade of the dancing creature, pretty face or not.

The moment happened in three seconds precisely. For one fleeting instant, their eyes met. Kuroo didn´t hesitate, his face provided the pretty man with a grin, resulting in a blush, happening all over the dancer´s face and neck.

Whatever Kuroo Tetsurou´s presence emitted, it worked.

 

* * *

 

 

…and you said to me, I´ll stay.

…then you promised there will always be us.

…later, you swore we can only go forward.

…suddenly we changed back into me.

We left,  _us_  disappeared, we stopped.

 

* * *

 

 

“It was fun, while it lasted,” Kuroo said to himself, texting Bokuto with the vague description of what happened two hours ago.

“Where do you find them, dammit? Are you a magnet? Or are they the magnet that attracts guys named Kuroo? Or guys with bad hair, which would explain a lot.”

Kuroo could picture his best friend laughing maniacally on his own “joke”. “Really funny and mature.”

“Mature? Me? You must have the wrong number!” Bokuto added: “So, that blond guy Kenma is forgotten?”

“Who?” Kuroo asked, confused.

“You know, the… doesn´t matter. Call me if you go out on a date, ´key?”

Kuroo shook his head. “Nah, I just admired him from afar. There is no way we will meet again, but if we will, well, you never knooow…”

Bokuto sent him thumbs up and with that, Kuroo continued preparations of his costume for the upcoming competition on a Friday night. “This will definitely be a different kind of dancing…”

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you alright, Keiji?” asked a young man with silver hair for a third time.

His study buddy and roommate glared at him, seemingly uninterested or thinking about something very, very hard. “These are the times when I have no idea, Koushi.”

Sugawara Koushi reached towards his notes. “This is wrong.” Then he reclined in the chair and sighed loudly. “Why am I even here, with you, when you are so much better at this?”

“Good influence,” Keiji deadpanned.

“Me?” Suga raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, right, Akaashi.”

Akaashi Keiji almost smiled. “Can you focus, please? You already took this course, I didn´t. If you can´t help, be a moral support, right?”

“Yeah. For you, anything.” Suga watched him carefully, Akaashi felt goosebumps climbing up his body.

“Could you not?” Akaashi´s hand stopped with a handwriting of a scholar.

“You seem out of it today. Is everything okay?”

Akaashi knew this was inevitable, eventually. If Sugawara´s senses started tingling, you were doomed until you spilled the beans. This wasn´t any different, so he opened his mouth and told him about the dance lesson. “I have to stop going there, but I promised.”

“Um, but this happens to you often, right? You always complain,” Suga said, bewildered about the situation.

Akaashi nodded. “That´s why I won´t continue after the recital. I am there for my cousin.”

“But you love it,” Koushi added carefully.

“That doesn´t mean I like to be ogled by complete strangers. I don´t know what is it about me…”

“Pretty.” The answer was easy and truthful.

Keiji rolled his eyes so far, he thought he might see part of his brain. “Koushi.”

Sugawara leaned in, whispering: “What is different this time?”

Was anything different? Akaashi frowned as he fidgeted with the earring in his right ear. Yes, yes it was different. “I guess… this one seemed… It seemed like he wasn´t lustful. Quite the opposite, it seemed he was looking through me. Seeing me, which is impossible.”

“Oh, honey, I think you enchanted him with your bewitching dance moves.” Suga thought for a while, adding: “Did he make a move? And I don´t mean dancing.”

Akaashi was afraid he might, but after the lesson finished, the young man was nowhere to be seen. “No, thankfully.”

“Hm…” Sugawara rested his chin on his hands, looking dreamy. “Then why do you sound so sad? I think you got hit by a cupid´s arrow.”

“Me? Very funny.” Akaashi got back to his school work.

“Describe him to me, please. Maybe I know him!” Suga said kindly, with a hint of a warning. He lived for this kind of stuff.

Akaashi knew what it meant. The studying was done for today. “Well. He had really terrible hair…”

For the whole time, Suga was smiling knowingly as Akaashi detailed the appearance of his admirer. That was never a good sign.

 

**2**

“I don´t want to,” Keiji refused the invitation with a poker-face. “You knew it before you asked, Suga.”

Koushi checked his visage the full length mirror. His silver hair was neatly messy, a feat only Sugawara could pull off. He used a bit of a highlighter for his cheeks, emphasis on his mole under the left eye. Then he straightened his creamy white shirt and black jeans, equipped to conquer the world. “You can come dressed like this, trust me. At that place, nobody cares.”

“Of course, they don´t. They would love to see all of us naked.” Akaashi shifted his head towards the clock. Almost 10pm, the competition starting in an hour. “Why do you want me to go? You never did before.”

Suga span, ready to bedazzle. “I had a change of heart. And you need it, after meeting that hot guy of yours.”

“Koushi,” Akaashi called his name with a warning.

“Do you have any idea, how even more breathtaking would you look with an eyeliner?” Suga asked, examining his face and body.

“You are terrible. Will you stop if I go with you?” Akaashi was getting desperate.

Suga smiled widely. “Maybe.”

“I guess that´ll do.” And with that, Akaashi joined Sugawara at the club called The Wild Cat as it held its monthly stripping competition for a huge amount of money, if you placed in the top three.

 

* * *

 

 

The cigar smoke filled up the space with hints of vanilla, chocolate, cinnamon and even cut grass. Once upon a time, Akaashi tried one of the unscented ones, hating them with a passion, with or without any aroma to make the experience less painful. That´s why stayed true to cigarettes.

Surprisingly, he didn´t crave one right now, which usually happened at the crowded places.

When they finally pushed through the smoke barriers, Suga sat them down at his favorite spot. “No friends of yours today?” Akaashi asked curiously. Actually, he had no idea if he ever had someone to accompany him, when visiting here.

“No, Noya is working today. Shame, he is _really_ crushing on the new guy. Do you see that tall, bearded giant?” Suga motioned with his hand towards one of the bartenders making a drink. He had a neat ponytail with a thin headband around a couple of strands not fitting into the scrunchie. Akaashi eyed him with curiosity. There was gentleness and too much kindness radiating from him. Akaashi tilted his head. The man belonged here and somehow didn´t.

“If this is a regular bar, why are there stripping competitions? This doesn´t…”

Suga shifted his attention to the podium. “It´s called fun and getting a clientele. Just enjoy yourself, will you, please?”

Akaashi growled, staying put. Everything darkened, with only small red light pointing to the podium, ready for the show.

Long haired bartender jumped on the podium quickly with hands and legs bit jittery, introducing the night. “Sorry, guys. My name is Azumane Asahi and this is the night you´ve all been waiting for. No other words are needed, just enjoy the entertainment as every contender shows us what they got! Don´t forget, the one with the biggest applause at the end of the night will be the winner! We have some old faces here, new ones, men and women, so enjoy. Since the first performer and a second timer is ready, welcome him and we will see, if he is able to get your attention!”

That´s when the Joe Cocker´s - You Can Leave Your Hat On - started.

At first, Akaashi watched the bartender getting down, visibly shaken. Public speaking wasn´t his favorite activity, obviously. Keiji smiled.

The red light got stronger as the music got louder. The first competitor was up. Akaashi leaned into his friend. “Have you ever considered…”

“Psssst,” Suga hissed, answering anyway. “Yes, but I don´t need the money, so I changed my mind. But you…”

“You wish,” Akaashi mumbled, both of them grinning. Finally, he focused his attention to the first dancer. “Oh, no.”

Kuroo Tetsurou was dressed in a leather from head to toe. Akaashi would recognize that hair anywhere. He obviously didn´t try to bother with it and in all honesty, he didn´t have to. There were instant screams, belonging to women and men alike. Just his presence has been enough to turn women wet and men hard.

Akaashi gulped loudly. It clicked. “Did you know?”

“Are you talking to me?” Suga played innocent.

“Koushi.”

“Your description was precise. I figured it might be him and since we have some common friends, I knew he´d be here. Now, enjoy, before it is over.”

Akaashi couldn´t enjoy, because he was wondering - why? Making money for his studies? He hoped so. His mind stopped working for a while. Why was the question and the answer important to him? He shook his head, sighing in retreat. He is already here, so there is no reason to fuss about it.

… and he had to admit, his moves were doing something to him, even though it wasn´t exactly physical.

Akaashi watched those lustful moves carefully. The leather was slowly coming off. First the scarf covering his neck and chest. He timed his moves to the beats of the song, mastering them perfectly. This man wasn´t dancing in a classical sense, it could be described as a combination of martial arts and feeling the flow of the music.

Nothing could be more perfect for him.

He turned his back to the audience, bearing his shoulders in one quick move, turning his head slightly to the side, grinning. Akaashi felt hot, too hot. His face was bright red and Suga was chuckling, like he could feel how warm Akaashi´s body was getting.

Damn you, Sugawara and damn you, man observing him from outside of the ballroom studio.

Akaashi couldn´t stop watching. The leather jacket fell to the ground in one swish, showing off the dancer´s bear back, presenting the audience with a huge tattoo of a dragon.

Competitor turned to the front, taking the tie into his hand, playing with it, but leaving it on, moving near to the people sitting closest to the podium.

Akaashi straightened up, realizing what this might mean.

The dancer was getting to his knees, ready to kiss the palm of some lady fainting, when his eyes shot directly to the back.

Their eyes met in a very similar fashion as it happened for the first time.

Akaashi stopped breathing. It was then when he notices glitter on the man´s chest and eyelids. He grinned, licking his upper lip, getting up and quite obviously changing his whole routine. Akaashi should have run. Run, man, run.

His feet didn´t listen. His body and chest, _especially_ ignored the silent pleas.

Kuroo, as he later learned the name, made three long steps towards him, readying to sit across his lap. Akaashi wasn´t comfortable with that notion, but he figured, if you sat in the audience, you gave the permission for this kind of thing automatically. His suitor got close to him, then halted. Akaashi was wrong. For a very short while, Kuroo hesitated, only for Akaashi to notice. Kuroo walked behind his back, close enough to touch him lightly, sending goose bumps through the whole body of Akaashi Keiji and almost everyone inside of the bar.

He knew what he was doing. Kuroo Tetsurou fed them the fantasy about promises of sex, romance or whatever flew your boat. You would have to be dead not to feel anything around him.

The music was getting to a close, with the dancer got back on the podium, teasing many more men and women on the way up, finishing with every part of the clothing, but the fated hat on the floor, showing off more glitter and tattoos, which seemed to be temporary, unlike the dragon.

The lights changed and applause deafened them. Akaashi could finally breathe. He leaned down, being thankful and regretful at the same time.

“His name is Kuroo Tetsurou and you are welcomed,” Sugawara exclaimed happily.

Akaashi gave him a disapproving look, then got up. “I need some air, see you later.”

“Oh, okay,” Suga said, confused. “Um, did I do something wrong?”

Akaashi was thinking about lying, but that wasn´t his style. “No, actually, the opposite. That´s why I need some air.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I am sorry,” said the unfamiliar voice from behind his back.

Akaashi twirled a little with the moves of a real dancer, cigarette burning in his hand. “For what, Kuroo?”

“Oh, he knows my name. I am honored,” Kuroo said with a palm resting on his chest. “Let me guess. Sugawara?”

His face said it all, any other words becoming obsolete. “What are you sorry for?” Akaashi repeated, hiding all the emotions behind his green eyes.

Kuroo stood by him, leaning on the cold stone wall of a bar he just performed in. “Me, approaching you when I got down in between the crowd. I realized that you don´t want me near you like that too late, so I just walked past you.”

Akaashi stopped puffing. “Um, you saw that?”

“Yep. Your face is unreadable, but you gave out a certain vibe… I moved on an instinct. I wouldn´t touch anyone if I didn´t feel they are completely into it.”

“It sounds like you are used to this quite a lot,” Akaashi teased, throwing the cigarette away in the bin.

Kuroo smiled. “No, but this is my second time, first at this bar and… I am pretty good at understanding people even from afar.” He messed with his hair, trying to tame them.

Akaashi pointed towards the shamble on his head. “Is it always like that?”

“Unfortunately, nothing helps.” Kuroo sighed and shrugged. “I got used to it.”

Akaashi frowned.

“What? You don´t like it?”

“No,” he said honestly. “But you seem nice.”

Kuroo was flattered. “I guess I can´t ask for anything more, right? By the way, if you tried, I am sure you would get… with your skills, you would…”

“No, thank you. Tough competition,” Akaashi admitted, watching Kuroo carefully.

He blushed. Finally, it wasn´t only him feeling the redness all over his face.

“Why? Why this?” Akaashi asked suddenly.

Kuroo pursed his lips. “First thing, it´s fun. Second thing, if you win, or score the second and third place, you win a lot of money. A lot more than anywhere else, trust me. It´s good for my school needs.”

“So pure,” Akaashi noted.

“Uhm,” Kuroo agreed with a hint of sarcasm.  “I am in my second year at university and it´s… tough, so yeah.”

Akaashi had to agree. “I am just a first year, but I understand. And trust me, I don´t judge, otherwise I wouldn´t be here.”

They shared a silence, ready to get back inside, when out of nothing, rain started falling down heavily, like a judgment day was coming.

“You know,” Akaashi remarked as they hurried back inside. “Try wearing high heels next time. That would seal the deal.”

Kuroo stopped, letting the rain pour down on him, drowning him completely, hair falling into his face. “What deal?” He asked teasingly.

Akaashi glanced at him. His eyes examined Kuroo´s face, hair framing his cheekbones and sharp features, making his eyes a bit darker in the middle of the night. “Are you coming in?”

Kuroo went with him, opening the door first.

The dragon tattoo was slightly visible from under the white shirt he was wearing, emphasizing the red eyes with the thorns rising from the tail, also of red color. Akaashi felt hot again, wishing he was home right now.

Alone.

Kuroo Tetsurou inclined, holding the door.

Why was he grinning right now? Could he read his mind?

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo got to his dorm room all alone, with the winnings in his pocket. This was an exceptionally good day, but he hoped it would get better.

Saturday afternoon was dedicated to his gym time, the only time he and his buddies could align their busy university schedules.

“Guys, I saw him again,” Kuroo admitted, picking up dumbbells.

“When?” his spotter, Daichi Sawamura inquired.

“Yesterday, at the club.”

Kai, his high school friend exhaled loudly. “You mean….”

“Yep,” Kuroo nodded. “I thought I would die right there and then.”

“Have the two of you spoke? Did he see you?” Kai couldn´t hide his surprise.

Kuroo laughed. “Shame you didn´t come. You would love my dance.”

Daichi shook his head vehemently. “No, thank you. Well, tell us more.”

“What is there to say? I don´t know much, but… He seems to me like a high, stronghold wall. If he would let me, I´d love to break it down.” Kuroo was ready to push.

“I don´t know if that is the best metaphor…” Daichi said in a concern.

Kuroo smiled. “You know what I mean. He could be my match.”

Daichi and Kai exchanged looks. “If you say so,” they said in unison.

“You are both horrible,” Kuroo exclaimed and moved on to do some push-ups. 

 

**3**

The luck, or as Kuroo liked to say, fate would have it, they were destined to meet again. This time their eyes met when Kuroo Tetsurou walked inside of the bakery to make himself happy with a savory and meaty pastry, accompanied by the strongest coffee he could find.

Unfortunately, his mind got completely blank, when laying his gaze on the man in an apron, reaching for cinnamon buns, putting them inside of a paper bag for the second to last customer before it was Kuroo´s turn to order.

“What can I get you?” Akaashi asked, smiling a bit, realizing who is standing in front of him.

“Um…” Kuroo was awestruck by the chance of _their_ meeting, not the meeting itself. On his way to school, he walked by many bakeries, so how come… he shook his head. “Yeah, coffee, black please and… surprise me. Nothing sweet.”

Akaashi raised an eyebrow, but complied. “Nothing sweet? Are you serious?” He shook his head in mock disappointment. “Sweets rule the world.”

“No, they don´t.” Kuroo leaned on the counter. “But if you think you can change my mind.” He winked, immediately regretting the decision. This man didn´t seem to be easily impressed by his bad flirting skills.

Akaashi chuckled. “This may sound rude, but - you aren´t stalking me, are you?”

“No,” Kuroo answered with his chest fluttering. “I am just as surprised as you are.”  

“Good.”

When taking his order, Kuroo made a decision. It´s the third time they met, this cannot be a coincidence. “Would you like to go out sometime? Casually, if you´d prefer that?”

Akaashi examined his face, then the hair. He sighed, not impressed. “We´ll see.”

Kuroo took out the food and laughed. Sweet and savory. Nice.

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo waved at him, which made Akaashi notice the book that was peeking out from his bag. It seemed to be a poetry collection by Emily Dickins. For a while, Akaashi had forgotten he had new customers waiting for him.

One eye was dedicated to their orders, the other followed Kuroo´s steps until he got out of reach. He stopped at the crosswalk, offering help to some old lady, both laughing at the joke she just made. Akaashi frowned. Was this man even real? Or was it a well-played act?

With every passing minute, Akaashi was getting intrigued more and more.

“You should say yes,” Sugawara advised, scrolling through the messages from the applicants to join them as a new roommate. “No one seems sufficient.”

Akaashi turned his head. “Your demands are too high, man.”

“Let´s hope today will be better. We need to fill that room up.” Suga closed the window on his computer and waited half an hour for another bunch of prospects to arrive.

The last one busted through the door like he already belonged there. “Oooh, so pretty, so pretty. And not just your faces, dearies!” said the tallest man of them all, with light brown hair and the face of an angel.

They had no idea yet, it was the angelic face of the fallen one.

“Oikawa Tooru, second year, law.” He saluted, which made Sugawara and Akaashi straighten up.

“Um, calm down.” Akaashi chuckled and Suga walked him around with the inquiry in his hands. “So, what can we expect from you?”

“Everything,” Oikawa said with more calmness in his voice. “And anything. But… in all seriousness, I will follow your established rules. I am in a pinch here, my former roommates, well… too lovey dovey.”

Sugawara pouted in confusion.

“They got together and it was no longer a safe space for me, got it?” Oikawa squinted his eyes. “Wait. You two aren´t…”

“No, no, no.”

Akaashi got up, tired of it all. “We´ll take you.”

“What? Pretty face number one will take me? How generous, but you seem to have more questions and…”

Suga waved it off. “What would you do if we said no?”

Oikawa´s voice changed in a matter of seconds. His playfulness transformed into serious, almost severe attitude seeping through his voice. “I would persuade you I am the right candidate to be your roommate. I may be loud sometimes, but if you´ll have me, you won´t regret it.”

Suga watched the change of the demeanor. He seemed scary, not in a harmful way. Unless you were his enemy, he figured. “I don´t know if I like you, but fine.”

“Don´t worry. You will,” Oikawa assured him with the playfulness back in its full force.

Akaashi watched them, leaning in the door frame of his room. “Just don´t… don´t get into our personal business, okay? Or mine, at least.”

Oikawa Tooru turned to him with peaked interest. “Oh, there is something juicy going on. Speak!” He plopped onto the couch, waiting for the rest of them to join.

If Akaashi was to be honest, he had a hard time resisting him. Dammit, Oikawa really annoyed him. “No, thank you.” But he didn´t move an inch.

“I don´t know what´s going on, but whatever it is, say yes. Anything else will sort itself out later.” Oikawa´s advice was stupid and smart, nothing in between.

Akaashi changed the course of his sight to Sugawara. They silently agreed their new roommate might be right. “Do you have his number?”

They all jumped at the sound of a thunder. Sunny weather changed into a thunderstorm with Suga smiling widely. “Try checking your pockets.”

Akaashi did just that.

His hand found a piece of paper with Kuroo´s phone number on it. “That sly son of a…”

 

**4**

First dates have been always scary.  Akaashi has been through many and none, as he liked to express. If there wasn´t a second date, it didn´t count. The people he met with were usually always interested, it was Akaashi who denied them the opportunity.

That´s the reason he was so taken aback with Kuroo Tetsurou. Akaashi felt the affection without the other part trying too hard and that made him afraid. If this didn´t work out for a second date, what was the point then?

“I enjoy my alone time,” Akaashi admitted, sitting inside of the train in his regular spot, the other seat occupied by his new “friend” if he could call him that.

“Hm?” young boy of a same age as Akaashi asked without turning his gaze away from the game he was playing.

Akaashi closed his eyes, nervous. They never talked much, both of them enjoyed quiet and peace they provided to each other. “Nothing,” he exhaled slowly.

“If you want to… you know, talk, then talk.”

Akaashi turned to him. “This arrangement is about the exact opposite, right, Kenma?”

Young man with longer hair shrugged. “I don´t mind to interrupt the quiet, sometimes. You seem kind and nervous.”

Akaashi pressed his lips into a thin line. “Yeah. I have a date and… I want it to work. Kuroo seems nice.”

Kenma frowned, like he remembered something. “Then make it work, right?”

“Do you think it´s that easy?”

“Nothing worth in life is easy.” Kenma didn´t elaborate, Akaashi didn´t need him to.

“Then let´s do this.”

 

* * *

 

 

The weather wasn´t on their side, unsurprisingly.  Akaashi watched the raindrops drop down as he hid under the dark blue umbrella. He checked his watch – it was too soon.

That´s when he arose like an apparition out of the mist which was crawling slowly besides their feet, covering the nearest buildings in its milky, dusty color.

Kuroo´s hair was pointing in every direction possible, affected by the humidity. “I guess this is not meant to be, right?” He asked, smiling, hands open like he was inviting even more of the falling rain.

“Come here, the movie is starting soon.” Akaashi took him by the sleeve, pulling him under the umbrella. The rain got stronger, bringing in the vigorous wind, turning the umbrella inside out. “Oh, no…” Akaashi tried to shake it with no luck.

“Let me,” asked Kuroo, taking the charge of an umbrella that was clearly broken. “I am sorry, but it´s dead.”

Akaashi felt anger burning inside of him. Well, his first dates have always been perfect, so maybe this was a good sign.

Right?

“Come with me,” Kuroo suggested, taking him through a couple of streets and hidden alleyways. “Here.” They both ducked down, hiding inside of the old, demolished building.

“What is this place?” Akaashi asked, his voice echoing.

“This was supposed to be a swimming pool complex, but the money ran out and the construction got interrupted. Forever, it seems.”

Akaashi watched him carefully as he sat down on his own jacket. “How do you know that?”

Kuroo smiled. “We found it some years ago with my best friend, on a volleyball trip. Do you have any idea how many games you can play here? But be careful, there are some homeless people, although most of them very nice.” He stopped talking, noticing Akaashi´s horrified face. “Um, I can take you home, if you´d like. You can use my jacket as a cover and…”

“No,” Akaashi said, maybe too strong. Kuroo must have felt judged, which wasn´t his intention. It was his face, always giving the vibe of disapproval. Unfortunately, it was true the most of the time. Today felt different. He was ready to risk everything, so he sat down. “Why did you want to see the movie first? Isn´t it usually the other way around? Dinner, then the cinema?”

Kuroo laughed out loud, who knows why. “It´s perfect way to find something to talk about with the person you don´t know very well, or at all. Great segue for conversation starters, don´t you think?”

“I never thought about it like that.” Akaashi watched the heavy rain falling like a curtain guarding the window. “That´s smart.”

“I know.” Kuroo´s voice was shaky, as were his hands.

Akaashi watched him with a corner of his eye. Was he nervous? Then he notice his own hands, fingers fiddling with each other. They both were.

“Okay, I think I need to break this awkwardness or I´ll get crazy. Akaashi Keiji, would you like to dance?” Kuroo jumped up, hand reaching towards his date.

Akaashi´s eyes widened. “I am sorry, I don´t dance.”

Kuroo´s mind stopped working. “How come? That´s…”

“I don´t dance outside the dance studio and… I just don´t, sorry.”

“Maybe next time,” Kuroo said, his voice thick and head shaking.

Akaashi smiled into his own palms. “Maybe.”

The rain wasn´t going to stop anytime soon and Akaashi was at a loss. What now? This was a great opportunity for a make out session, but on a third date maybe, not the first one. And he certainly wasn´t the one to keep the polite conversation, or even some kind of small talk open.

“Do you like reading?” Kuroo asked hesitantly, pulling out his phone. “I have here… yeah, some poems, if you´d like.”

“Very much,” Akaashi whispered eagerly. From then on, things got a lot better.

“Great,” Kuroo nodded, opening epub full of poems from many authors. “There is some Edgar Allan Poe, so don´t get scared, please.”

“I won´t. And if I will, I am safe here,” Akaashi mentioned, yawning. He didn´t even notice, when his body curled up closer to Kuroo´s side, almost falling asleep on him.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that evening, they both fought the rain by running through it, until they were soaking wet more than before. While sitting inside of the forgotten building construction, they stopped caring about their appearances. It felt right being together like that, so nothing could stop them.

Kuroo led him into the closest bus station, hopping on the first arriving vehicle. “I think this one might get us to my flat. If you want to dry up and go home, I can borrow a car, although my roommates might be gone, so taxi would be be…”

Akaashi put a finger on his mouth. “That´s fine.” His face seemed heavy, but voice light.  They walked inside of the flat, clearly dedicated to the love for sports. Akaashi wasn´t ready to examine it just yet. There were other, pressing matters.

Would there be any sexual advances, while he stayed at his place? After all, he got into the home of someone, still fairly unknown.

“Here, my clothes, bathrobe and towel, all clean, so no worries. The bathroom is that way, I am going to make us some food, if you´d like that, but I have to warn you, I don´t know how to cook. Otherwise, I can call you a taxi.”

Akaashi hesitated, not saying a word. “Give me a moment.”

 

Kuroo´s palms were sweating. It was clear why, but it made his heart beat faster with every thought of it. He wanted to know Akaashi better, but he was also, for the first time open to anything more, but only if he was the one to initiate that. Akaashi Keiji was unreadable to him most of the time, so he waited for any cues.

The shower stopped and he came out, dressed in Kuroo´s oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. “Movie.” Akaashi said flatly. “Please.”

They were sitting side by side, both waiting for something that wasn´t coming. Akaashi found himself disappointed.

Kuroo was ready for anything.

Although it was just the first date, the pull was instant and intense, opening both of them up to activities that would never happen in any other circumstances. Maybe that was the reason why they both let their heads fall back, thankful not to give in.

This was worth so much more than sex.

Both men fell asleep inside of Kuroo´s bed, holding each other in a light hug, accompanied by seemingly endless raindrops. Kuroo opened his eyes first, watching Akaashi´s sleeping face.

“I could wake up to this sight every day,” he thought, feeling blessed.” Then he closed his eyes, enjoying their time together for a bit longer.

Akaashi woke up, surprised by the turn of events. Carefully, he got up, ready to prepare the coffee. As he took his own mug, slowly sipping and watching Kuroo from afar, he realized something.

He could get used to this very, very easily. “This might be some kind of blessing,” he whispered, as Kuroo woke up and grinned.

 

* * *

 

 

Under the layers, under the sheets,

There is naked me, fragile to the core,

It is a place, it is for free,

If you will let me, to see deep into your soul.

I am bearing my bones to you,

I will bear my flesh and blood,

Don´t let me hanging there,

You are my blessing in disguise.


	2. TIMELESS ADMIRATION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaash Keiji was a siren calling his name, luring him to his inevitable death. Kuroo Tetsurou opened his arms willingly, inviting everything this man had in store for him.
> 
> Kuroo put his palms on Akaashi´s cheeks, kissing him all over his face, getting deeper into his lips every time he touched them. Akaashi let him, answering with every ounce of passion, there was in him, gasping for more. Spatter from the fountain was falling down on them, not letting them see each other, just feel. The drops fell all over them, tickling their bodies, canceling any other noises coming from around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be two chapters today, my eyes are red from editting, but I couldn´t stop! Let´s dig in...

Everything connecting them to say I love you,

The sensation of love growing in both of them,

The careful consideration of their feelings blossoming,

Everything leading them to wishing for forever.

 

Always waiting just behind the corner,

The letters, the proposals, the daydreaming,

Beyond the time being present as their third lover,

Those touches and whispers, embraces and kisses,

Transcending the simplicity, falling and soaring,

Together.

 

* * *

 

 

Finding a perfect gift for Akaashi Keiji was impossible. There was nothing he asked for, as he put it - whatever I needed, I buy myself. Anything else seemed to be nuisance for him. Kuroo considered baking or cooking, but he would probably blow something up. Then the idea came to him. Akaashi would appreciate practical gift, nothing too fancy.

Kuroo Tetsurou loved practicality, so he finally decided on buying him a proper ashtray. Hopefully, he would stop using those silly cans from cold beverages, or even facial creams. It was a very unpleasant experience for Kuroo, trying to take a drink while reading on the balcony. Ashtray might not be considered a romantic gift, but Kuroo Tetsurou called himself a genius and got it personalized. The blue crystal ashtray was engraved with their initials. A+K, which could stand for them as a couple (true meaning behind those letters, Kuroo thought), but also Keiji´s initials, so it didn´t put any pressure on him.

“Thank you,” Akaashi said in an amazement. “I… was expecting… well, you know you. I thought you might prepare go for grandiose.” He looked around, worried there might be something else lurking to surprise him.

Kuroo took him by the shoulders, turning to face him. “I would love to, but you wouldn´t enjoy it. This is the least I could do. And…”

“And?”

“Don´t sound so scared. Here,” Kuroo paused, picking up a piece of paper from the kitchen counter. “My mom bought this trip for me and her, but she won´t be able to come. So… will you join me, please?”

Akaashi seemed unsure. They were together for a short three months. “Show me.” He took the paper with a booking for a weekend at the mountain spa. “Are you sure you don´t want to take one of your friends?”

Kuroo shrugged. “They live too far and… no, I want to take you, if you let me.” There was a hesitation he could cut through, if he tried. “It´s not mandatory and I won´t be offended if you say no. You understand that, right?”

Akaashi´s hand trembled. “Here.” He gave him the paper back, sitting down. “I know you won´t be angry.”

“I said nothing about anger,” Kuroo whispered in a shock, trying to hide the emotion.

“You know what I mean.”

“Take your time.” Kuroo moved to prepare a coffee, when he heard it. Resounding yes coming from Akaashi Keiji´s mouth.

“I want to go with you.”

Kuroo continued making coffee, shivering from a long and strong kiss on his neck.

“I want to go with you,” Akaashi repeated silently.

 

**1**

“Let me help,” Akaashi pleaded for the third time.

“No need,” Kuroo sang happily in the hotel room lobby, draped with suitcases.

“I know, I want to help.” Akaashi tried to take one of the bags into his arms. Kuroo dodged him and slipped into the elevator. “Just, let me sometimes, yeah?” he added, pushing the button for the fourth floor.

Kuroo furrowed his brow. “Come on, I like to take care of people!”

Akaashi watched the numbers go up.  “I know. That´s not what I mean.” Not entirely.

Kuroo hummed, misunderstanding him completely and Akaashi followed his lead. First, he noticed the colors of the carpet, covered in blue and yellow, reminding him of the Hogwarts house Ravenclaw from Harry Potter books. Interesting, since the lobby was full of red and yellow, close to the colors of Gryffindor. He found the coincidence funny and interesting, especially after little more exploration. The second floor was filled with green and grey, while third floor represented the colors of Hufflepuff. And that door right under the roof? Without any stairway leading into it? That sealed the deal. Akaashi laughed out loud, curious to meet the owners and ask about this.

“I looked everywhere for you!” Kuroo waved at him from the top of the stairs.

“Sorry,” Akaashi ran back up, kissed him and slipped into the room. “I am going to the balcony,” Akaashi announced after unpacking their things.

Kuroo threw the bathrobe at him. “It´s almost four, spa will open soon. Smoke it fast!” He laughed and threw himself on the bed, enjoying the soft sheets.

Akaashi watched the scenery in front him, full of tall mountains covered in thin fog. The hotel area was simple, decorated with vine and green trees that didn´t let him enjoy the tennis court where the match was played. You could also rent a bicycle, a volleyball net or basketball hoops.

“You know, the point of the fresh air is kind of lost when you smoke,” Kuroo scolded him, peeking through the window. “Is that the second one?” He gasped in a mock horror with some truth in his voice.

Akaashi had no time to react. Kuroo reached towards his hand, throwing the cigarette away. “Kuroo…” His toes curled up and chest tightened.

“Come on. Trust me, you´ll feel better.”

Akaashi got back inside, finding himself under the heavy frame of his laughing boyfriend.  “You are right, I know.”

“I know I am. Now, get completely naked, where we are going, the clothes are unnecessary. But… don´t forget the sheets!”

Akaashi watched Kuroo´s back, smiling for a very short time. He felt tense, there was something rubbing him the wrong way. Nothing good spa couldn´t fix, he believed.

 

* * *

 

 

The elevator took them under the ground floor, leading into the corridor for hotel guests. They put their bathrobes, swimsuits and everything personal inside the lockers.

“I will take the keys,” Kuroo offered, putting the rubber band with the key on his ankle.

“Yeah,” Akaashi agreed, taking the off his wrist. Every resident and visitor were covered in white sheets, as the rules for visiting the spa said. They both halted, not sure where to start. There were many doors guiding them towards many types of sauna they were allowed to use. “Any advice?”

Kuroo pointed at the green door. They were immediately hit by the hot temperature and the aroma of sea and salt. Lights were full of green and blue, sometimes combined into teal or turquoise. The walls were made of seashells and the sounds were to remind them of waves and seagulls. Kuroo loved it, Akaashi had the opposite experience.

He wished for a darker, cozier place and in fifteen minutes, his wish was granted. After getting something to drink and taking the cold shower, it was Akaashi´s turn to choose the door. One of the black ones read - The Bear Lair. This sauna was supposed to replicate the sounds of fire, with one hot stone in the middle as it shone with bright orange.

They sat side by side, enjoying the calm. None of them realized until now, how much they needed this, to switch from their school work, but not only that.

They sat by side and they loved it. For the first time, the two of them shared something more without needing words or kisses.

Akaashi felt Kuroo move. Their pinkies touched, Kuroo´s with some pressure. Akaashi turned to him, watched his profile. He smiled a little, Kuroo´s hair was getting wet, falling down slowly to his face. His beautiful face. Akaashi got really lucky. How did he score such a fine specimen of a man?

Kuroo´s pinkie moved a little closer. Akaashi took his hand while he stared at the lights. He felt warmer and warmed, the most of it not the result of sauna temperature. 

 

* * *

 

 

It was the quiet they shared,

The calm of their lives,

The thunders of their hearts.

Nothing else was needed,

Only flames of those fires,

Only waves of those waters.

The silence between them was enough,

To get closer and closer,

To connect through every second,

One by one, tick tock.

 

* * *

 

 

“I certainly did not imagine _The Wild River_ refer to this,” Akaashi sized up the water flow in front of him, curling all around the room with one dark tunnel and three massage places. “This is like a very bad nightmare, or a very bad erotica, so I´m out!”

Kuroo stopped him by catching his wrists lightly. “Please! Just one round? I´ll take care of you, I promise.”

Akaashi shrugged. “Maybe I should take care of you.” Silence settled in, Akaashi´s words giving out a different meaning than Kuroo´s.

“Oh.”

Akaashi turned his back to him, almost laughing. He slowly took the ends of his sheet, the main problem in all of this. You could only swim in here if you were completely naked. That meant ending up inside of the same water with many other naked people, men and women. Thankfully, not many were that brave. The sheet fell on the nearby bench with Kuroo standing still as a statue. Akaashi faced him. “Like what you see?”

Kuroo gulped loudly. “Yes.” There was no point in lying.

“Good. Later, I will make you like it even more.” He stepped into the water, hiding inside of the dark tunnel.

Kuroo was bewitched and doomed. There was no chance he could love Akaashi´s body even more, but he was willing to try. “Incoming!” Kuroo warned, moving fast, hiding under water, in the alcoves, between drops from water fountains, sharing kisses, hugs and caresses. If The Wild River wasn´t a public place, they would share a lot more.

The magic had to be involved, Kuroo was sure of it. Akaashi got him hard in many ways than one. He was feeling it as it crept in slowly and inevitably. The heart beating inside of his chest did no longer belong to him. It was changing the owner with every passing minute.

Akaash Keiji was a siren calling his name, luring him to his inevitable death. Kuroo Tetsurou opened his arms willingly, inviting everything this man had in store for him.

Kuroo put his palms on Akaashi´s cheeks, kissing him all over his face, getting deeper into his lips every time he touched them. Akaashi let him, answering with every ounce of passion, there was in him, gasping for more. Spatter from the fountain was falling down on them, not letting them see each other, just feel. The drops fell all over them, tickling their bodies, canceling any other noises coming from around them.

Akaashi took Kuroo´s hand, staring into his eyes, ignoring the stinging that water brought. “Let´s go, Tetsurou.”

There was no reason to hesitate.

Akaashi was leading the way back into their room. He took a charge of the situation, surprising Kuroo with his soft exterior, but determined interior. “Let me take care of you,” Akaashi whispered in a hushed voice, making Kuroo shiver all over.

He let him lead, unfamiliar feeling for Kuroo Tetsurou. A slight push of a gentle touch got him to fall into the sheets. He touched him on his face, chest, and the abs getting tight under his touch by itself. Akaashi dried a couple of droplets of water or sweat from Kuroo with a finger, going lower in a deliberately slow and teasing manner.

Kuroo felt fingertips playing with his hair, the rest of the sheets falling from the hips, showing his naked body, set for anything to come. Akaashi put the weight on Kuroo´s wrists, kissing him deeply, passionately, and whispering a silent prayer into his ears. Kuroo´s head shot up, catching another kiss of his, more whispers asking for boundless pleas.

Akaashi stopped, looking intently into Kuroo´s dark eyes. “Tetsurou,” he said loudly, eyes steady, fingers tapping all over his body, until he reached in between his thighs.

Kuroo´s back arched, mouth crooked a bit, his eyes closed in a sea of pleasure.

“Don´t stop looking at me,” Akaashi commanded.

Kuroo listened to him, feeling tears of self-indulgence in his eyes.

“Good.” Akaashi kissed his lips again, making him beg for more, for less, for nothing and for everything. And when he was done, he got another command. “Now it´s your turn.”

Kuroo grinned, watching Akaashi´s straight face impatiently waiting for his own nothing and everything. When he finished as loud as he could, without the traces of embarrassment in front of their neighbors, Kuroo realized, he might be falling in love with him.

He might be falling so far down the well of deep feelings, he might never be able to climb back. And it was only the start.

 

* * *

 

 

Their bodies stood silently in the shower, enjoying another piece of quiet being disturbed only by the flowing water and bubbling shampoo.

“May I?” Akaashi asked gently, the absolute opposite of his dominant tone from before.

Kuroo, trying to wash himself, stopped. “Um, why? I don´t think you are very fond of my hair.”

“I am not,” Akaashi answered, hopefully teasing. “I want to take care of you, do you get it? At least sometimes.”

Kuroo wasn´t sure he understood. “You just did.”

“I mean, when it comes to important things.”

“Sexual life is important, isn´t it? For a healthy relationship…”

Akaashi didn´t let him finish the sentence. “Yes, it is. But not for everybody. Certainly not for me. If something would happen to you, some… freakish accident and you wouldn´t be able to ever again have a sex with me, or even if you would just came to me and said - I hate it, I don´t feel good about it anymore - I would accept it. There are so many relationships breaking up because of sexual incompatibilities or dissatisfaction. I don´t care about that. It´s a very nice addition, but without a solid foundation, it´s in vain. So let me, please.”

Kuroo did let him, with only one question on his mind. “You wouldn´t leave me if I couldn´t…”

“Never.” Akaashi pecked his cheek.

“You are lucky. It´s the same for me.” Kuroo wasn´t surprised. He loved sex, but he loved to love even more. They stared at each other in a mirror reflection. “You might be too good for me.”

Kuroo Tetsurou never realized they might not be enough.

 

**2**

“Dance?” Kuroo asked the prettiest person in the whole world, at the top of the mountain they just climbed.

Akaashi gave him a deadly look. “I can´t, I am exhausted.”

Kuroo jumped up and down, feeling more energized than before, thanks to his grueling volleyball training. “Come on, aren´t you a runner?”

“Runner, not a climber, Kuroo-pain-in-the-ass-san.”

“Oy,” Kuroo took a step back. “Feisty, aren´t we? And I thought I was already Tetsurou, hm Keiji?”

“That´s reserved only for special occasions.” He winked and took out his camera to take pictures.

Kuroo stood there with his mouth gaping. “You don´t just say that and let me all by myself, Akaashi Keiji! “ He jogged towards him, with Akaashi directing them into some bushes.

“Then follow me.” Not a request. Kuroo obliged.

As they were approaching their hotel, Akaashi put hands on his knees, tired of walking. “Revenge!” Kuroo shouted, picking him up like a bride.

“Revenge for what?” Akaashi asked, horrified, but grateful not to stand anymore. Having a strong boyfriend had its perks.

“For that thing up there. That was…unusual.”

“If you have complaints, go to the head of the department, they will deal with it,” Akaashi sounded bored, the result of his fatigue.

Kuroo watched his head bounce up and down, right by his shoulder. How did he fall asleep like this and after what he just said, was a mystery to him.

 

* * *

 

 

The weekend was short, but enough for both of them to learn so much about each other, it got a bit scary. Especially visiting the hotel pool after the hike, which Kuroo used as another part of his workout routine. As he swam vigorously, another body materialized by his side, swimming in the line next to him.

“Haru, come on! Where are… oh, there.” The red-haired man with pointy teeth, watched his dark haired friend talk to Akaashi.

Kuroo watched them, amusement spreading over him. They used so few words, he could swear they communicated with telepathy.

“Um, your friend?” The other swimmer spoke, pointing to Akaashi.

“Boyfriend. And yours?”

“Ditto. I am Rin, by the way. Rin Matsuoka.”

“Kuroo Tetsurou.” They shook hands and continued swimming, one could say they started competing, but there isn´t one universe where they would admit to it willingly.

Akaashi wasn´t in a mood to move an inch, his body was already aching enough. The man called Haru let himself float on his back, watching the ceiling, getting lost in his thoughts. Akaashi figured, trying the same might do him good.

And it did. He never realized how much the water could speak to him. “This is nice,” he mentioned quietly, not expecting the answer.

“Yes, it is,” Haru spoke, not minding the unknown company.

“You don´t speak much, do you?”

“No.”

Akaashi liked it. Man of not many words, but important ones. “Were you here yesterday? We walked by the pool a couple of times and I could swear…”

“He loves water. If it was legal, he would marry it!” said the voice belonging to the man swimming with Kuroo.

“That sounds about right,” Haru agreed, closing his eyes.

Akaashi couldn´t argue.

 

* * *

 

 

Sunday was dedicated to Akaashi´s choice of activity, which turned out to be a visit of some old castle beaming with history and tales of people with either rich or empty lives, fully recorded, or completely forgotten.

Akaashi loved legends and narratives of any kind, while Kuroo was fond of history itself, walking the same paths and rooms as many people before them. “Do you realize how many stories have happened here? How many heartbreaks and lovemaking and joys or misfortunes of lives happened at this same place?” Kuroo daydreamed, staring at the green carpet under him.

“You really surprise me, you know that?” Akaashi pointed sternly. “But I think you should be looking up, or forward. There is nothing down there, only sorrows. Let´s go see the catacombs.”

Kuroo followed him, watching his surroundings carefully. “Do you think some of them are still in here?”

Akaashi let him go, slowly turning to face him. “What?”

“Spirits, ghosts, imprints of their souls, whatever you call it.”

Akaashi could tell he meant it. “Do you believe in that?”

Kuroo was gazing at nothing in particular, he seemed lost in his own memories. “What?” He jumped a bit. “Maybe. I had some instances in my life that might have been supernatural.” Kuroo pouted. “Don´t look at me like that,” he added, lowering his voice. “I wasn´t alone when it happened. Aah, doesn´t matter, you skeptic.”

“I am as quiet as a mouse.” Akaashi moved his hand in front of the mouth, motioning like he zipped something up, throwing the key away. “Let´s go. You seem to be distressed.”

“Me?” Kuroo took it as a challenge. “Never.” Then he grabbed Akaashi by his hand, pulled him in the nearest, darkest corner and kissed him. “Keiji.”

“Hm?” Akaashi mumbled, enjoying himself.

Kuroo grined. “You are beautiful. Have anyone said that to you lately?”

“No,” Akaashi lied.

“I will. Over and over and over again…”

The tour through the castle took them longer than it´s usual. Both of them enjoyed every story they heard in every room they visited. They also took too many pictures, it was almost impossible to get them out. Also, they made out at every private place, even if it was just for couple of seconds.

“Dance?” Kuroo asked again, this time in the gardens behind the castle, filled with flowers and free roaming, peaceful animals.

“Not now, Kuroo. I want to see this.” Akaashi stopped in front of the open cage with owls inside. “That one. That is beauty,” he sighed in awe as he stared at the great horned owl with striking yellow eyes. The owl moved, it was like it recognized him, knew him from somewhere.

Kuroo couldn´t stop himself from smiling. “Should I take your picture with it?”

“No,” Akaashi said shortly. He only watched, adoring it´s grandeur.

Kuroo plopped on the nearest bench stated between the masses of white lilies, reminding him of silk, something light and soft to the touch, fragile and vulnerable that needed to be protected. He felt sudden urge to reach and touch them. No, they could protect themselves. He wished he could take one home with him. They made him feel easy, calm and braced for anything yet to come.

“Tetsurou?”

Kuroo looked up, seeing Akaashi´s face under the reddish light of the setting sun, . “Keiji?”

“Let´s go home.”

 

* * *

 

 

Home is where you are.

I am with you.

I am home.

In this crooked place

Under this crooked dome.

 

**3**

 

Would you dance with me?

Would you take me home?

Would you die for me,

Would you take it all?

Would you kill for us?

Would you lie for us?

Would you renounce us?

 

Would you play for me?

Would you sing?

Would you do it all?

Do everything.

 

* * *

 

 

“I am asking you again. Will you dance with me? I love this piece.” Kuroo extended both hands towards Keiji, who sat on a sofa with unlit cigarette in his hand, swaying to the violin music.

Akaashi avoided Kuroo´s eyes. “Not right now, I think I am going for a run. I missed the one in the morning.”

Kuroo chuckled. “And whose fault was that? You should join me on more things than just…”

“I know,” Akaashi stood, caressing him. “See you later.” They kissed, leaving Kuroo dumbfounded. Is he going to smoke, or run, or both?

“You know what we should do? Go see a volleyball game together. Since you never have time for my matches!” Kuroo shouted from the living room towards the bedroom. “You might find it fun.”

“I already did,” Keiji answered, stepping out in his jogging gear. “I signed up for some local team that plays just for fun. My first training is in two days.”

Kuroo gaped at him. “And you didn´t tell me? Why?”

Akaashi shrugged. “I am not sure I will like it, but something about it speaks to me. Thanks to you.” They kissed again.

“You fox. Why are you-?” And Akaashi was gone. Kuroo crossed his arms, feeling annoyance tugging on his sleeve. “Damn, man. You avoided answering every one of my questions.” Kuroo shrugged and put the Tv on. An hour has passed without Akaashi in sight. He liked short, interval runs that don´t take more than half an hour.

Kuroo tried to call him. Soft piano melody started playing from Akaashi´s phone which he forgot at home. Kuroo´s fingers twitched with worry, but it was the tune that got him intrigued.

If Akaashi wasn´t back in fifteen minutes, he would go look for him. While waiting, Kuroo tried to find the composer of the slow, soft melody. It made him feel sad and comfortable at the same time, it reminded him of a heartbreak with the hint of a bright future if you just looked a bit further. It reminded him of lost hope and Kuroo knew he needed to find it.

Luckily, it wasn´t so hard, Akaashi´s phone and screen was easy to understand. Unfortunately, the internet wasn´t helpful at all. Where did he find this piece? Who was the creator?

Then he saw it, looking up the detailed information about the mp3 file itself. Composer - Akaashi Keiji.

The door opened, with winded Akaashi almost unable to walk. “Yeah, I know, I know, but I needed to run. I forgot you…” He stopped talking. “What are you doing?” he whispered, almost threateningly at the sound of his own piano piece.

“You play and compose?” Kuroo asked, his mouth gaped open and eyes shining at the same time. “I wish I knew, I wish I could hear you…”

“Only in free time,” Akaashi said, taking the phone back. “Let´s not speak of it.”

“Wait. Only in free time?” Kuroo was in shock. “But…”

“My father taught me. And don´t get your hopes up, I don´t like to play in front of other people. This has been nothing, okay?” Akaashi´s face turned red.

Kuroo couldn´t pinpoint, if it was anger or embarrassment. Keiji could be very unreadable if he wanted to and this was one of those unpleasant times. “I didn´t mean to, I was trying… it´s beautiful, I wanted to…”

Keiji stopped him. “I can see that. It´s okay. Just, don´t ask about it anymore, agreed?” Kuroo nodded. “Thank you.” 

 

* * *

 

 

“I might have scared him,” Akaashi admitted, when sitting with his roommates at the bar, drinking a beer. “I get worked up when talking about piano playing and he doesn´t deserve this treatment.”

Sugawara scanned him with his all-knowing eyes. “From what you said about him, he seems like the understanding type. I wouldn´t worry much.”

“Oh, but don´t forget to apologize later, appropriately,” Oikawa added, winking.

Akaashi rolled his eyes.

“Ah, there it is!” Suga exclaimed joyfully under some alcoholic influence. “Do you like him?”

Akaashi kept quiet.

“Come on,” Oikawa begged. “Do you? Can you imagine having a future with him?”

Akaashi stopped moving.

Suga´s eyes widened. “Oh, no!”

Oikawa countered: “Oh, yes! Someone is falling haaard, very hard for the one named Kuroo Tetsurou. By the way, we have a match with them this weekend.”

“This is not the time for the volleyball talk,” Suga hushed him. “Hm?”

Akaashi was playing with the skin around his nails, making some of the fingers bleed a bit. “I am not coming. Actually, I never go, I… the matches are never played at the convenient times for me.”

Oikawa and Sugawara put their hands up simultaneously. “After you,” said Oikawa, motioning towards Sugawara.

“If you really like him, go all in.”

Akaashi finally found a courage to look at them. “But what if that fall will hurt?”

“Can you stop it?” Suga asked, worried.

“I don´t think so.”

“Then you will deal with everything else later,” Oikawa added, sounding like some overlord. He meant it and that was enough for Akaashi Keiji to brace himself for the feelings he couldn´t stop.  

 

* * *

 

 

“You should introduce him to us,” Daichi managed to say after another grueling workout routine.

Kuroo was sitting next to him, breathing with exhaustion. Why was he doing this to himself? “I will, all in a good time.”

“Why wait? You are obviously so smitten with him,” said Kai, still doing his lunges. “The last time you were this smitten was in high school.”

“High school? That was so long time ago.” Daichi daydreamed.

“Don´t worry, it wasn´t you,” Kuroo assured him with a smirk. “Although…” He whistled and Daichi reacted appropriately with a red face.

“Stop this, Tetsurou. We hardly knew each other back then.”

“What a shame,” Kuroo continued teasing. The loud huff from Kai made them stop.

“Why do you still do that?!” Daichi asked, feeling even more pain just by watching him workout.

Kai gave him a scolding look, sending shivers down Kuroo´s spine. When the silent Kai scolded you, it was scary. “I will stop the moment my legs give up on their own.”

Kuroo and Daichi sighed. They might be there for a very, very long time.

“I haven´t introduced him to my best friend, yet, so you will have to wait a bit longer.” Kuroo smiled, musing over Keiji.

Daichi patted him on the back. “I think we lost him. I don´t get what are you waiting for?”

Kuroo shrugged. “I´ve been in many short-lived relationships that led to nowhere. I have no time for people who are not sticking with me for the long run. I feel that this might be it, so I want to be sure. And I want to treasure it.”

“Kuroo Tetsurou, ladies and gentleman,” Daichi exclaimed. “The cool, hot, sexy and a bad boy type of guy.”

Kai burst out laughing, while Kuroo frowned. “I take that as a compliment.”

“I think you should,” Kai agreed.

“Please, don´t forget us, when the two of you elope!” Daichi high-fived Kai and with that, another joint training session came to an end.

 

**4**

More time has passed, months ran away faster than a quicksand. Their feelings grew and brewed, changing them from I and me, to us and we.

“I know there is no point in asking, but would you go for a run with me?” Kuroo watched Akaashi wiggle sleepily. “I thought so.”

Akaashi got up ten minutes later for his solitary run through the first morning light.

It started raining the moment he got back home, watching exhausted Kuroo getting into the shower. “Wait for me!” Keiji joined him, letting the warm water consume him.

Everything was good and everything was well.

“It´s my turn,” Tetsurou announced, his words getting lost in droplets of water. He touched Keiji´s shoulders, turning him away. He leaned in, kissed his neck and massaged his shoulders, the right hand crawling lower and lower, enjoying every inch of Akaashi´s bare skin.

Keiji closed his eyes, taking in the joy, taking in the pleasure. He felt him pressed against his whole body, skin on skin, heart on heart, soul within a soul.

Water was still on, covering them from the outside world, for a short while only the two of them existing. No interference, just love and satisfaction, the closest proximity of their intimacy, of their universes blending into one.

 

_“You are the most beautiful being in the world, you know that?” Kuroo asked rhetorically as he stroked Keiji´s hair._

_Akaashi heard those words numerous times. It made him giggly and embarrassed all at once. How could someone love him this much, with so much passion in the same words repeated over and over, anytime he got a chance?_

_Every time, he meant them._

_That was enough._

_Akaashi stroked Tetsurou´s chest and whispered: “I love you.”_

* * *

 

 

Akaashi Keiji found the courage while sitting at the piano. I love you´s, he felt them all, so he poured them all out into that one piece meant for him, meant for them.

The composing has started, Akaashi knew what he wanted to say. He focused on the piano, fingertips touching the black and white keys that reminded him of ghosts from the past. First tones brought the mist into his heart, his mind getting foggy. He played anyway, the darkness dissolving in its own pace. Weeks have passed, he was so close to find the ending to this particular piece of his, but suddenly, all of his tries came to a halt.

How is he supposed to end something so perfect? Is this enough to encompass everything their relationship meant to him? And with that, he scrapped it all.

Later, he came to understand he shouldn´t have done that. It was more than enough, but he didn´t know.

He ran.

And ran.

Or maybe, this decision was right for them, right for him. This could have been the start of letting go, or was it the natural continuation of something always present? The truth was never learned, the truth was never dared.

Akaashi stopped playing, hoping to find something more, the muse, the inspiration he needed not to only start, but to take it into the finish line.

But Akaashi only knew how to run.

And run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, see you in the next chapter :)
> 
> Notes for the hotel filled with Hogwarts colors - I described the hotel I was in last summer, I had to use it somewhere :D


	3. ALWAYS TRYING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALWAYS TRYING, slowly dying. 
> 
> Keiji apologized once more as Kuroo held him and rocked him like a child, assuring him he understands. “I am not mad, I could never be. We are together long enough to know, right?”  
> “Yes, you are.”  
> “No, we are, Keiji. It´s not singular anymore. Us, we. Get used to it, because you are not getting rid of me that easily.”   
> Kuroo meant it, but his voice betrayed a hidden, crooked emotion resembling a white lie.   
> Would this be enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am falling in love with this pairing. I didn´t expect that, but in all honesty, I should have :/

There is a warning to be had,

This story is not exactly of the happy ending.

Their love blossomed, bloomed and cared,

Slowly discovered its painful end.

 

There is a warning to be had,

This is a story about a love and a heartbreak,

Their love withered, wilted and cried,

Quickly met its finish line, without a winner, without pride.

 

* * *

 

 

“Happy first anniversary, Keiji,” Kuroo whispered when he woke up next to his boyfriend and a new roommate. The rain was knocking on the window like the drummer hitting the rhythm perfectly.

Akaashi murmured some words and turned around, opening one eye. “Would you like to have breakfast? As a present?”

“No. I can do it.” Akaashi stopped Kuroo from leaving with a kiss. “Oh, you want something else first?”

Akaashi sat up. “I should rephrase it. I want to make you a breakfast.”

“But I always do it, if we…”

“Yes.” Akaashi touched that terrible hair and tried to smooth it down. “You take a great care of me, but let me, please.”

Kuroo tried to read his face, unsuccessfully. “Should I do it more often?”

“Maybe.” Akaashi got on his knees, kissing Kuroo´s tip of the nose.

“Do you even know how to cook?” Kuroo taunted.

Akaashi left the bedroom, then quickly got back. “Please. Pouring cereal into the bowl doesn´t count as cooking. I am going to make it for you and that´s it. Coffee black, right?”

“As black as my soul,” Kuroo added.

“That would be a whole cup of milk and a spoonful of sugar, my lovely.”

Kuroo sighed, defeated. “Yeah.” He plopped back to bed. “And the breakfast is for us, Keiji, us.”

 

**1**

 

“Mom, I would like to meet you the one I talk so much about!” Kuroo introduced Akaashi with too much excitement for Keiji´s taste.

Nonetheless, he bowed, thankful to meet her. “Akaashi Keiji.”

“Kuroo Tamiko, but call me Tamiko, please.”

Akaashi couldn´t take eyes off of her. She was beautiful with long dark hair falling gracefully on her back in a wave of calm ocean, which brought out her round face and eyes, carbon copy of Tetsurou´s. When she smiled at him, Akaashi almost melted.

They looked so different and so alike, even their mannerisms copied each other. He stepped into something meaningful, which he never really had, even after all the bad left their family live alone.

Tamiko smiled sadly, like she could read his mind. “Is there anything you´d like to talk about?”

Akaashi shook his head, close to smiling. “No, I just… thought about my own family.”

The day progressed into evening and the three of them sat down to eat dinner and watch TV. Akaashi got honestly confused by the casualty on their side. Is this normal for them?

“Come on, Keiji, sit in between us. Don´t worry about spilling anything, today is very special, so no rules.” Tamiko showed him the empty space. Akaashi eyed Kuroo for confirmation. The moment he sat down, he felt the motherly warmth emanating from her.

“Are you going to meet his family?” Tamiko asked Kuroo after Keiji fell asleep on her shoulder.

He watched them, his mom unwilling to move so she wouldn´t disturb him. “I don´t think so, at least not yet. There might be some bad blood. I wish I could help.”

Tamiko nodded. “Yeah, we all wish we could help to fight the battles that are not our own, alas, that´s not possible.” She watched Akaashi in the same adoration as Kuroo always did. “I understand why you fell for him. He is so nice and polite.”

“Hey, aren´t you too fond of him after knowing him only for a couple of hours?” Kuroo asked, taunting.

“After how much you speak of him, I feel as I knew him for a very long time.”

“That doesn´t mean you have to adopt him right away,” Kuroo warned her with a smile.

Tamiko countered. “Do you want me to show him some tough love?”

“No. “ Kuroo touched her reaching hand. “You are not dad.”

She was shaking from laughter. “Your father would be horrible to him. No one is good enough for my son, so you have to prove yourself! He would pester him to make sure he is ready for the commitment. I somewhat wish I could see it.”

“Theatrics. Who knows who I got that from, right?”

Akaashi moved, opened his eyes followed by a yawn. “Oh no, did I fell asleep?” And when he realized where he slept, he shot up like a rocket. “I am so sorry!”

Tamiko got up with her hands resting on his shoulders. “You take good care of him, Keiji. Please, continue. He might not seem like he needs it, but he does.”

“I…” Kuroo was ready to defend himself, but when it came to his mom, the battle was already lost.

“You are so cool,” Keiji whispered with a hint of a smile on his lips.

 

* * *

 

 

Akaashi went outside for a smoke while Kuroo kept him company. “You should stop with that habit. It´s not nice.”

“I know. Maybe I will, if you ask nicely,” Akaashi teased.

“What does… no, I am not going to ask you the way you want me to, we are at my parents’ house. No.” Kuroo waited for a laugh or another hint of a smile. He was willing to wait longer, until he would get just that. “May I ask about your family? And if I can´t, when will be the right time? I don´t want to pressure you.” Kuroo´s hands were shaking.

Akaashi touched them. “They are not important to me. Not in a way your mom is to you. Or in the way your father was.”

“What if they are important to me?” Kuroo asked, voice chocking a little.

Akaashi felt like someone shot him right through the heart. “Then that might be a problem.” The rain started falling and both men looked up. The sky was clear just a while ago. “Will it be a problem?”

“No.”

Akaashi recognized the lie, so he did the only thing he was able to. “I have some pictures in my wallet. I don´t look at them, they are just a reminder of what I don´t want to be, and in a way, what I want to be. You may take a look.”

And Kuroo did. He slowly put his hand inside of Akaashi´s jacket, opening it carefully. He saw the picture of his father, his mother and two siblings, pointing at the girl and a boy. “Are you at least close with them?” he mumbled as he stroked the photo of Akaashi´s father with a very quick movement.

Akaashi didn´t there to glance at him. “We are working on it. You will meet my siblings when the time is right, I can assure you of this.”

Kuroo exhaled in a relief, giving the wallet back. “Good, good. Thank you.”

Akaashi believed it was enough. Kuroo never asked again and in time, this moment between them became nonexistent. The rain was getting heavier, persuading them to hide inside. “It´s late, let´s go to bed.”

His boyfriend followed him, unnaturally silent.

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo woke up to the sound of a music coming from their living room. He ran down the stairs as fast as he could. He knew the song and he knew what the noisiness meant. When he was a child, this happened every Saturday morning at exactly nine o´clock.

He ran loud and excited.

All he could do was smile and clap. As his parents used to, mom and Keiji were in the middle of the room, waltzing together. What else could he wish for? She danced like this with only four people in her life, not counting her own father. Kuroo´s dad, whose place was taken by Tetsurou after he passed away in an accident, then her mom´s brother and last but not least, Bokuto.

This was different. This was Akaashi being approved by her and it was Akaashi, who never danced outside of the studio, which shut down entirely.

So this is what happiness feels like.

He usually joined his parents, after bursting in like a crazy maniac. It was the same with his uncle and Bo, but he didn´t dare right now. Akaashi might not appreciate is. Actually, Kuroo started to wonder how she persuaded him. She could be a president or God himself and Akaashi Keiji would not dance if he decided he doesn´t want to.

Akaashi noticed him first. The music stopped and Keiji followed its lead. He dashed to him, almost knocking him down. “I missed you.”

“Then you shouldn´t have left me there alone.” Kuroo spun him around.

“I was hungry.” Keiji shrugged and gazed at Kuroo´s mother. “She is a great dancer.”

Kuroo smiled proudly. ”Of course, she was a ballerina.”

 

* * *

 

 

Tamiko and Kuroo were left alone while Akaashi went outside for a smoke. They cozied up in front of the fire place with a rain going on non-stop since last night.

“When he moves, you move. Did you notice?” Tamiko started the conversation with the fire- cracking accompanying them.

“No.” Kuroo seemed distraught. “I don´t know if that´s a good thing.”

“It is.”

“What about him?”

Kuroo´s mom got quiet. “We are always honest with each other.”

“I know.” Kuroo twiddled with his eyelids, the sign of weariness.  “And I know he might not seem like it, but he is very affectionate, don´t worry.”

“I don´t worry. He does the same, but he seems a bit unsure, that´s all.” She grinned. “I like you two together, but never forget. This place is your home. So, if anything in your life crumbles, it´s here. Always.”

Kuroo got worried. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Honey. It is a big step for you. I know how much you hate this introducing stuff, especially if you are unsure, so as your mother, I have to remind you of this.”

He fell into her arms, hugging her tightly, overjoyed and grateful. “My home is where you are, mom. Not the place where I grew up, but with you, for as long as you´ll have me.” Kuroo stared into her eyes. “I know not everyone is that lucky. Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Akaashi smiled at the last part of their conversation he got to hear as he was coming back inside. His eyes darted towards the white sheet in the corner of the dining room, covering the frame resembling a piano with a guitar and violin behind it.

“Dad used to play. He wanted to teach me, but didn´t have time,” Kuroo admitted, noticing Akaashi gazing at the musical instruments. “If you want…”

“No.” Akaashi cracked his knuckles, then rubbed the neck just looking at the hidden piano. His chest tightened.

“I had no idea you play,” Tamiko mentioned, joining them. “It needs a very good maintenance, for sure.”

Akaashi beamed at her, thinking. “Do you have some tools? I might help with that.”

“You don´t have to. No one in this household can play.” Tamiko got lost in her memories, retreating into the kitchen, making herself a cup of tea.

“Did I…”

“No. Trust me, you didn´t.” Kuroo took him in his arms. “But I love that you care. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Kuroo grinned. “And now, when we established our feelings for each other, what about other interests of yours I didn´t get a chance to learn about this last year? Hm?”

Akaashi nudged him. “I love to cook and bake.”

“What?” Kuroo crossed his arms, frowning. “Then how come you don´t do it more often? Or, at all? And what about the breakfast the other day?”

Akaashi kissed him, which calmed him down, always. “Tetsurou, I do it only when I am stressed. That breakfast wasn´t cooking, as I said earlier.”

“So?”

“Don´t you get it? When I am with you, I don´t feel stressed.”

“Oh.” Kuroo thought he wouldn´t be able to admire him more than he already did. He was mistaken.

“And I joined that volleyball team. We play when we are available. I dare to say I am a pretty good setter,” Akaashi admitted without any shame. “I know I am good.”

Kuroo hugged him. “And I am not surprised. But, how did my mom manage to get a dance out of you? Because no matter how hard I try or even don´t try, you…”

Keiji was looking for answers, when Kuroo´s phone rang. “Yeah, Bo? Uhm, they just met. Yes, I didn´t forget my promise. I will introduce you. Yes, give me some time, please.”

“Friend?” Akaashi asked, not needing to know anything else.

“Yep, yep. Let´s go eat, I am hungry.” His stomach grumbled in an agreement.

 

**2**

 

Everything was ready. After meeting his mom, it was Bokuto´s turn. Kuroo was ready to show off Akaashi to anyone and everyone who was at least mildly interested.

Kuroo set it up perfectly, so Akaashi wouldn´t get overwhelmed with Bokuto´s presence who promised to behave.

Like that could ever happen, Kuroo thought. He went ahead with the meeting anyway.

It was Akaashi who felt sudden pain in his chest. He wanted to meet the mysterious, ever present best friend of Tetsurou. After meeting Tamiko, something stopped him. Why? What was it? Was everything getting too serious? No, that´s not it. He loved being in love with him.

Akaashi was being strangled by his own uneasiness. He hadn´t planned on introducing Kuroo to his own friends. Maybe they should do it all at once to avoid the pressure Akaashi might feel. Kuroo´s best friend was his best friend for forever, there was no doubt about that. If he didn´t live up to his expectations, would it mean anything?

But he wanted to get to know him, finally. He was everything to Kuroo. Everything.

Akaashi sat in the darkness of the room, hugging his knees, rocking back and forth.

His phone beeped.

_“We are waiting for you,” Akaashi read a third text message on his phone._

_“Sorry, can´t today, something came up.”_

_With that, he never met Bokuto Koutaro, before seeing him at their work place. He lost an opportunity to meet Tetsurou´s best friend, which he should have. Not for Akaashi´s sake, not even for Bokuto´s. He should have done it for Kuroo._

_But he ran._

He was afraid of the fake reality he conjured in his mind. Expectations. The barrier he wasn´t able to overcome. He should have explained it to Kuroo, but he didn´t. There was no way he could express it to him in a clear and understandable way.

Akaashi made it up to him with the promise of another meeting. This time, he would manage. Then he apologized, even cooked for him.

 

He ran.

 

He stopped at the tattoo parlor.

Kuroo needed to know how much he loved him.

 

* * *

 

 

Keiji apologized once more as Kuroo held him and rocked him like a child, assuring him he understands. “I am not mad, I could never be. We are together long enough to know, right?”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, we are, Keiji. It´s not singular anymore. Us, we. Get used to it, because you are not getting rid of me that easily.”

Kuroo meant it, but his voice betrayed a hidden, crooked emotion resembling a white lie.

Would this be enough?

Kuroo was ready to fight. It was worth it, right? “You can make it up to me by playing, what do you say?”

Akaashi was silent, unsurprising for both of them. “I am sorry. No.”

He asked the following day, then following week.

 

_“Play for me?” Tetsurou asked in a hushed voice. He knew Keiji wasn´t very fond of that question. Anyway, he tried when he felt it might be the right time._

_Keiji closed the piano. “Not today. I am not ready.”_

_“Will you ever be ready?” Kuroo asked a year later._

_Akaashi wasn´t sure._

Keiji has apologized once more, this time taking the matters into his own hands. They were kissing in the rain, hiding inside of a nightfall between the shadows of a twilight, crouching outside by the river from dusk till dawn. They were taking each other in, like the world wasn´t spinning, time wasn´t moving, life wasn´t growing.

“You got a tattoo,” Kuroo whispered, seeing the small and simple K on his chest.

“Yes.” No elaboration was necessary.

The existence didn´t matter, only the night of apologies, of the begging and loving, of touches in places of luxury, looking for a thrill, finding the satisfaction. The indulgence overtook them, making them beg for more and when the day changed into a full night and that night changing into the bright day, the rain came down on them even more, leading them down to the love-making war.

 

**3**

 

School started and Akaashi felt anew. Every little problem was solved by the two of them ready to take upon the whole world. The train arrived and Akaashi was surprised, seeing Kozume Kenma at their favorite seats. How did he manage to take the spot for every day of a week? It was a mystery to him, which he didn´t need to solve. Well, Kozume Kenma was one big mystery, so he shouldn´t be surprised.

“Good morning,” Akaashi greeted him as he took out a book to read.

Kenma was already playing, nothing new. His hair got longer again, the blond dye almost gone. “You seem happy,” he murmured slovenly.

“I am,” Akaashi agreed, feeling a warmth spreading over his body. “These are the good days.”

“Good.” Couple of minutes passed and none of them continued with their favorite commute activity; playing and reading. “You want to talk about it?”

Akaashi couldn´t contain himself, which was unusual. “I think I am on a right track with my relationship.” Kenma frowned a little. “What? Is it weird?”

“No.” Kenma shrugged. “Shouldn´t it be us?”

“Us?”

“You and your boyfriend equals us, right?”

“Yeah, you are right, yes.” Akaashi sighed. “We are on a right track, I can feel it.” Akaashi played with the pages of the book he held, watching the words lovingly, getting lost in the nights full of love and days full of hope. “Sorry. I am not used to being so excited.”

Kenma put the game away. “Isn´t that how it should be? In a relationship, I mean? Any different feeling might be a sign of impending doom, right?”

“You play too many video games, Kenma. Too many.” Akaashi almost sang, thanks so his happiness. “There is only one wish I have.”

“That is?”

“I love to take care of others. And I don´t think he needs it. Kuroo doesn´t need being taken care of.” Keiji´s mood lowered, when it came to his weaknesses, when it came to feeling like he might be not enough for him.

“You think too much,” Kenma sighed. “Games are for thinking, relationships are for feeling. Mostly. Otherwise, you might get lost in it.” He pointed to the book. “Books are mainly for feeling, the thinking comes after.” He lifted the PSP. “First think, then let yourself feel. Understand?”

Akaashi wished he remembered it later. “I guess so. You are really smart, aren´t you?”

“Only with the right approach and the right support.” Kenma pouted. “Everyone wants to be taken care of, in a way. I think he also wants to be taken care of, you just don´t see how, exactly.” Kenma switched the game back on. “But what do I know? I just observe.”

Akaashi opened his book. “No, that helps.” They glanced at each other. “Thank you, Kozume. This day got even brighter.”

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

Kenma was glad he could help, but there was something else stirring inside of him. Was it a jealousy? Kenma said no so many times, passed a couple of opportunities, lived through the two small regrets creeping up on him when he felt particularly lonely.

Maybe that´s why he loved listening to Akaashi´s stories, which were short and real, fulfilling the void Kenma felt sometimes. He lived through them, until he would be able to find his own story.

Kenma noticed Akaashi staring at him. “Is something wrong?”

“I can´t focus.”

“Do you want to try this?” Kenma offered him the game.

“Thank you.”

The exchange happened often. Kenma plunged inside of the book, Akaashi ducked into the pixels of a virtual reality.

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

Small moments being shared,

Little things being exchanged,

One by one, building on itself,

The relationships growing, through the mutual care.

 

And when you make it stable,

Seal it deep into the ground,

Even the darkest thunders and avalanches

Cannot bring it down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the middle of the story, the rest coming soon, hopefully. 
> 
> Note for the smut - I like the implications, nothing in detail so readers imagination may go wild :) I hope you are fine with it, I am surprised with myself I even implied anything, heh. If it doesn´t work for you, I am sorry, but I feel like it fits my stories better? It´s hard to explain what I mean, sooo, yeah... :) 
> 
> Thank you and a have nice day or night, whenever you are reading :)


	4. ALIVE TEARS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And I am not sad,” Kuroo reminded him, even though he wished he would cry. Somehow, when with Akaashi, he couldn´t. Not lately. “I am not sad.”
> 
> “I know.” Akaashi nodded, then kissed his cheek.

“Don´t, Akaashi, I am fine!” Kuroo shouted, while he skied down the steep slope. Neither of them was surprised when Kuroo´s words came back to bite him in the ass. “Fine, Akaashi, you were right, I didn´t think it through.” Kuroo admitted after the silent treatment from his partner. Their winter holiday ended up spent inside of the hotel and with some cultural sightseeing, which they very much enjoyed. Kuroo´s strained ankle hurt, but he wasn´t willing to let Akaashi suffer because of his stupidity.

“Do you ever think about having kids? Getting married?” Kuroo asked while together on the heated terrace of the hotel named Fly. They sat side by side on the recliners, wrapped up in blankets. Their hands were clasped as they watched the stars and snowflakes falling. “I know it´s harder for us, but…”

“I do,” Akaashi interrupted. “I am not sure about that. Marriage is fine, but kids? I like to take care of others, but children, or people acting like ones are…” He stopped talking and stared at Kuroo´s face. What was he trying to say? Kuroo furrowed a brow, his eyes widened, like there was some of understanding brewing inside of his head. “Kuroo?”

Kuroo turned to him, mouth opened. “Sorry, I just thought about something. Do I…” Akaashi´s phone rang.

“Sorry,” Akaashi whispered, answering quietly. “Hello, Iwaizumi-san. No, no, it´s. Yeah, Everything is fine, I am fine. It´s beautiful here. Yeah, I might. No, I don´t think so. He is also fine. Yep, I know, I know, working on it. Will do. Bye.”

Kuroo narrowed his eyes, thinking even more. He hated it. When it comes to relationships, you shouldn´t be required to think as much as he did, lately. You should feel it first, right? Ah, love is tough, Kuroo argued with himself. 

“Tetsurou?” Akaashi showed him the phone. “Again, sorry.”

“Your friend from high school? I remember you mentioning him.” Kuroo tried to move, forgetting his hurt foot, which resulted in loud “Ouch!”  Akaashi caressed him. “I am fine, I am okay, you don´t have to…” Then he changed the way he spoke, remembering the conversation from before. “Yeah, thank you.”

Akaashi´s lip curled up a bit. “Yeah, it was him.”

“You should introduce us.” Kuroo nudged him. He didn´t expect the answer to be positive. “Really?” His brows shot up. “Great, thank you.”

“Actually, he talked about that. I couldn´t refuse anymore.”

Anymore? “Did he ask about us?”

“Yes. He was curious how we were doing, he wishes you well with your leg.” Akaashi sighed, watching the moon, dreaming in silence. He loved the moon and the stars.

Kuroo observed his partner’s appreciation of the night sky, thinking about the one thing only. If his friend asked about us, then why it was always me or I or him? 

 

**1**

 

When Kuroo arrived home after the lost match, none of these silly thoughts mattered.  It was miserable, being stopped with his volleyball team right before the gates towards the finals. “I really wanted to win, at least once in my sport career, you know? And we did everything. Everything right, we were strong, there weren´t any mistakes, I don´t know, maybe with a different setter. There was no connection with him, I…” Kuroo talked and talked and Akaashi let him, stroking his wet hair.  He didn´t even wait for it to dry after the showers. “I wish you were there. It would be easier,” Kuroo added, sighing.

“I know. I couldn´t, school exams.” Akaashi closed his eyes. He hated this so much. Why wouldn´t he come to see him? He could if he really wanted to, exams or not.

“And I am not sad,” Kuroo reminded him, even though he wished he would cry. Somehow, when with Akaashi, he couldn´t. Not lately. “I am not sad.”

“I know.” Akaashi nodded, then kissed his cheek.

 

* * *

 

 

Two weeks after, Kuroo got impatient. “What ya´ doin´? He walked by Akaashi staring into the computer. Kuroo leaned over his shoulder and appreciated the beautiful pictures of Venice.

Akaashi showed him the image of the canal hauling in between the buildings, covered in twilight. Bright yellow and orange lights set up by the entrances surrounded the city like a fire. “I was always drawn to this place. I want to go there some day. Actually, I wanted to book it for my graduation. I should have saved enough money for it.”

“We could make it our honeymoon.” Kuroo sat beside him, scrolling through more fascinating photographs. He didn´t forget to wiggle his eyebrows towards his boyfriend.

“I thought… Yeah, you are right.”

Kuroo stopped caring about the pictures. “You didn´t think to include me in your trip, did you?”

“No.” Akaashi hated lying and there was no point to it. “I didn´t realize, if I am being honest. But of course, I want you to come with me.”

Kuroo smiled a little, nodding.

That was not the point he wasn´t even trying to make anymore.

 

**2**

 

The day has finally arrived and Kuroo was there to meet Akaashi´s friend from high school.

“Iwazumi Hajime,” the raven haired man introduced himself with a firm handshake.

“Kuroo Tetsurou.” Kuroo watched him, the hair fairly similar to Akaashi´s, but where Keiji´s hair curled down, Iwaizumi´s spiked up. “I have been waiting for a very long time to meet you!”

“Same. Akaashi dear is very private, if I say so myself.” Iwaizumi patted Keiji on the back. “I guess he still hasn´t met any friends of yours?”

Kuroo shook his head. “Unfortunately. But, we will get there!” He felt shivers. Was he really that nervous? Maybe it was Hajime´s eyes, watching him in an examination, resting on his hair. Wait. Was he evaluating his appearance? “Order me something, please, I am going to the bathroom.”

“Keiji,” Hajime said the moment Kuroo left. “Interesting visage.”

Akaashi frowned. “Yeah, his bedhead doesn´t listen to him. It´s even funnier in the morning. You should…”

“That´s not what I meant.” Iwaizumi deadpanned and Kuroo came back.

“What did I miss?” he asked, focused on Iwaizumi, grinning and winking at his new acquaintance.

Surprisingly, Iwaizumi Hajime grinned back at him. “You are a very interesting choice of a boyfriend for Akaashi. I approve.”

“Thank you,” Akaashi said so seriously, which resulted in both men being unsure if he was joking or not.

Kuroo was happy that Iwaizumi was here to play this game along with him. He really had to dust off his flirting skills and this fine specimen of a man was the right and safe choice for it. “I think you might be a good sparring partner for an arm wrestling match. Are you in?”

“Oh, you don´t want to try me,” Iwaizumi countered, challenge accepted.

Akaashi rolled his eyes. “Here we go. Kuroo, you will lose.”

“Come on, have a little faith in me.”

“I have. But I know Hajime´s strength. He takes a special care of those hands of his.”

“Keiji,” Iwaizumi warned him, close to laughing. And as it was expected, Kuroo lost, a couple of times.

“Just don´t leave me for him, okay?” Kuroo pleaded jokingly towards Akaashi.

Keiji gave him an intense look. “Of course, I will.”

“Nooo.” As the night progressed, Kuroo found himself liking Iwaizumi more and more. It was easy to understand why he was Keiji´s friend.

Kuroo´s attention changed when the slow beat started playing. “Keiji, will you dance with me?”

Akaashi shook his head. “No. You know that, don´t you? And I don´t dance in public.”

“One day? Will you?” Kuroo was overwhelmed by the constantly repeated question. Or was it happening only in his head? He wasn´t sure anymore.

Akaashi nodded. “I will.”

Kuroo´s attention has changed once more, this time approaching Iwaizumi. “Do you dance?”

“Um, yes, but I don´t think it´s a good idea. I have a girlfriend, I am not sure if she would appreciate if…” There was a tingling and hesitation in his voice.

Kuroo saw it, because Kuroo always did, at least when it came to other people than Akaashi Keiji. “But you aren´t straight and I am not seducing you. It´s for fun. You know what fun is, right?”

Akaashi wasn´t expecting this turn of events.

“No and no. And yes.” Iwaizumi answered. Both of them arrived on the dance floor after getting Akaashi´s blessing. Kuroo got in the groove in a matter of seconds, while Iwaizumi had to have a couple more drinks, before he loosened up. He was really trying to get on the same wave length of Akaashi´s boyfriend, which Akaashi appreciated more than he could tell.

Yes, Akaashi said yes, it was okay with him. His racing heart and sudden worry said the opposite. The shattering in his chest urged him to get up and take a walk, put a cigarette in his mouth. He didn´t bother to tell anyone, they seemed to be happy without his presence there. Also, it was him, who said no, wasn´t it?

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo didn´t feel right. They had fun with Iwaizumi, who drank even more since he was unable to free himself from invisible strains he put on himself. “Why did you agree to this, then?” Kuroo shouted through the music.

“You seemed disappointed he refused.” They both stopped moving.

“It´s okay, we talked about it. I am fine, really.” Kuroo continued with his robot moves.

“Have you ever seen pictures of his father?” Iwaizumi asked, standing still, questions in his eyes.

Kuroo shrugged. “Yes, yes I did. We look similar, so what?”

Iwaizumi pressed his lips. “Nothing. Come on, teach me your moves!”

Fifteen minutes passed and Kuroo turned around. “Where did Akaashi go?”

 

* * *

 

 

He came back in, his heart beating fast, face heating up and panic setting in. Why was he like this? Kuroo wanted to dance and Iwaizumi provided it for him. Akaashi was grateful, but something moved inside of him.

“I was only trying to make him happy and I tried to help you to understand. You see that, right?” Hajime asked, when they met the next day for so much needed morning coffee.

Akaashi didn´t drink much of alcohol yesterday, so his mind was clear. “Yes, I think I do. But I… I don´t dance outside of…”

“I know. And you know it´s not entirely true. And it doesn´t matter when it comes to your partner for life, right?” Akaashi didn´t answer, Iwaizumi repeated himself: “Right?”

“Of course.” Akaashi never doubted their future partnership, but he got lost in the images of their potential lives and couldn’t resist daydreaming a bit. “I don´t know why I hesitate. I had no problem dancing with his mom or your girl. It was fun.”

Iwaizumi leaned behind and his hands played with the coffee cup. “And your sister? Your mom?”

“No,” Akaashi said hastily. “We don´t dance anymore, with my sister. We don´t talk anymore, with my mother.”

“Keiji.”

“Hajime.” Akaashi pursed his lips, then softened with his eyes looking down at Iwaizumi´s hands. “My father was a son of a bitch who deserved everything he got. Unfortunately, he took a part of all of us with him. One day, we will be able to repair that. I believe that, but that day is not today and not anytime soon.”

Iwaizumi nodded. “Can you promise me one thing?”

“That depends.”

“Try to be ready and talk to him about it. After all this time, he deserves to know. To understand. It´s not his fault and he is not…”

Akaashi straightened. “I know it´s not his fault. Why would it be?” That question ended the whole conversation, both men knew it instantly. “I promise.”

Iwaizumi closed his eyes in a relief. “Good. And if you will need help with those reparations, don´t hesitate to ask him and let him. I have a good feeling about the man.” Then he added. “He wouldn´t leave you.”

“I know.” Akaashi remembered the previous night, his boyfriend flirting. “I know,” he repeated, in a less convincing tone.

 

**3**

 

“May I arrange another date? I really want the two of you to meet.” Kuroo suggested as he wrote down in the notepad, caressing Akaashi´s head resting on his knees.

“I think so. Is he coming to your graduation?”

Kuroo thought about Bokuto´s schedule, shaking his head. “I am not sure, he should also be graduating.” He leaned in with a deep kiss. “May I?” he asked, his hand playing with the buttons of his shirt.

“We should go, Tetsurou. We are already late.” Keiji whispered into Kuroo´s mouth. “Okay,  then they won´t mind.”

Kuroo gasped theatrically. “Akaashi Keiji. You would do this for me? The man of punctuality?”

Akaashi looked deep into his eyes. “Anything.”

 

Anything, but dancing.

They met up with Akaashi´s study group, celebrating someone´s birthday.

Kuroo tried once more.

 

_“Dance with me?” Kuroo asked some time before his university graduation._

_Akaashi shook his head. “I don´t dance. Not in public.”_

_“It´s not in public. It´s me. You promised, remember? Please.” Kuroo´s hand started shaking as he waited for him. “I will shield you, as always.”_

_Keiji turned his face away. “Sorry, honey.”_

_“Nah. I am sorry.” With that, Kuroo left him, dancing on the dance floor surrounded by his classmates._

Everything was working so well.

When did it turn into the dark alley filled with settling anguish, blooming heartache and blossoming discomfort?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are having a good day, that sun and moon treat you right, people take care of you and of the World. Especially, I wish you are enough for yourself :)


	5. TIRESOME APOLOGY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ask me to dance with you.” Akaashi whispered in his dreams, not letting the words materialize on his lips.
> 
> “I am not asking him anymore.” Kuroo sighed in his nightmares, the words quiet inside of his wishful mind.

_The road towards the despair and loss was set, filled with many gestures of beauty, flame and loving._

 

* * *

 

 

On the surface of the beauty

 

**1**

Kuroo was there for the small things and the big ones alike. He loved to shower Akaashi with grandiose gestures, without ever complaining. Akaashi preferred the subtlety, which made them a perfect couple.

“Isn´t this too much?” Akaashi watched Kuroo trying to get inside of their flat with the biggest bouquet of roses Akaashi ever saw. And he lived with Kuroo Tetsurou. “Do you need any help?” He asked, when Kuroo got uncharacteristically quiet.

“No, I am fine,” said muffled voice, falling right inside. “No, I am not fine, but I will be. And this is for you!” Kuroo smiled from ear to ear.

Akaashi knelt down, pecking him on the tip of the nose. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“You chose me.” Kuroo dragged him down, Akaashi screamed, the neighbor shouted. “Oops.”

**2**

 

It was late at night, Akaashi studied for exams, almost falling asleep with his head on the table. He wasn´t the only one, Kuroo didn´t even take his shoes off. His sleepy dead weight fell into the sheets just the way he was, only him, the quiet and cute snore, pillows pressed on sides his face.

Akaashi walked into the room with a huge yawn. “Tetsurou?” The whisper wasn´t answered. Keiji´s tired face was decorated with a wide smile, while he watched his boyfriend stir and mumble in his sleep. “Good night, honey.” He walked closer, putting the blanket on him. Akaashi tucked him in with a light kiss on the lips.

 

**3**

 

“Yes, Keiji, I know!” Kuroo said at the exact same moment he was giving Akaashi some papers hidden in the clear file.

He took them, hesitating. “I am a bit worried to open this.” Akaashi narrowed his eyes. “And your reaction doesn´t help.”

Kuroo sighed. “I mean, I know you cook only when stressed. I can see the school is stressing you, so I printed some recipes for you.” He opened his mouth and closed it, not saying another word.

“Is there anything else?” Akaashi deadpanned, the warmth spreading inside his chest.

Kuroo rubbed his palms. “Um, I hope you know I don´t need you to use it for me or what, just… this seemed like something you´d like to make. You mentioned…”

Akaashi walked over, catching him into his arms. “This is the best. And although I am stressed these days, you are making it better.” He kissed him, hugged him even closer. “They made you think of me. That´s enough.”

“I am glad,” Kuroo said with a grin.

“Why do you worry so much, when it comes to my reactions?” What Akaashi wanted to really ask was - where is that cocky, but devoted man I met at the beginning? Was it me who helped you to lose him?

 

**4**

 

Akaashi sat down to watch the volleyball match Kuroo attended in person. He was also invited, but refused. Even Keiji himself questioned his choices, agreements and refusals. He loved him from behind the invisible barrier he did not see and did not feel, but knew it had to be there.

There was a computer next to him, the browser filled with open tabs regarding the information about the sport they both enjoyed, although in different manner.

 

**5**

 

“Look, I thought it all through. You don´t like crowded places, so we are going through the day and on a week day. I fit it in according to your plans, that way you won´t miss even a minute for everything else you want to catch up with!” Kuroo beamed with pride, ready to take Akaashi to the cinema.

Akaashi couldn´t refuse such a thoughtful gesture. “Let´s go.”

And just like that, noon dates at the movies became the staple of their relationship.

 

***  ***  ***

 

“Ask me to dance with you.” Akaashi whispered in his dreams, not letting the words materialize on his lips.

“I am not asking him anymore.” Kuroo sighed in his nightmares, the words quiet inside of his wishful mind.

 

**6**

 

“I got you to the movies, but no musicals or plays. Gotcha,” Kuroo almost saluted, while he listened to Akaashi´s reasoning for not buying the tickets for the musical they both wanted to see.

Keiji tapped the computer screen. “I will buy you the dvd, for sure, but please, you go and enjoy. I just can´t with the crowds.”

“So you say I have to buy out the whole arena. Understood.” Kuroo said seriously, Akaashi wouldn´t be surprised if he did just that.

 

**7**

 

Kuroo walked home after the grueling day at school and his dentist internship. His steps were deliberately slow, his mind whirling in the worlds of possibilities, future and marriage proposals. All of it broke as an old mirror at the moment he spotted the tattoo parlor.

He could get the tattoo of Keiji as a part of the proposal.

Kuroo walked home faster, excited to ask the first question out of the two.

 

**8**

 

The blue ashtray was moved to the side, unused for two weeks. “Is everything okay?” Kuroo asked, worried.

Akaashi replied: “Of course.”

“Hm, the ashtray,” Kuroo pointed towards the old gift.

“Oh, that. I am trying to quit smoking. I know you don´t like it, so I thought I might give it a try.”

Kuroo was taken aback. “You are making this life changing decision for me? Not that I am complaining, but is it a good idea?”

“Yes, yes it is.”

  

* * *

 

Inside of the flames

 

**1**

 

“They are beautiful,” Akaashi said as he arranged the roses around the rooms. There were exactly 530 roses, if he counted correctly. “Does the number have a meaning?”

Kuroo shrugged. “I got every rose in every flower shop I passed by.” The idea occurred to him as he walked from school - proudest moment of the month. He wasn´t going to admit it´s all in preparations for the proposal both of them were going to appreciate.

“I love them,” Akaashi repeated, making Kuroo look to him questionably.

“But?”

“They are going to die.”

“Everything dies eventually. And their fate was already decided. Right? Akaashi?” Kuroo put his hand over his chest, wishing the tingling would go away.

Akaashi nodded. ”Yeah, yeah. Poor flowers.” He entered the kitchen, while Kuroo stayed alone, surrounded by flowers, dumbfounded.

 

**2**

 

Kuroo felt the blanket falling softly over his body. He exhaled, calmness spreading over him. There was a moment of expectation for Keiji to join him, to cuddle for a bit. His expectations weren´t met.

The door to their bedroom closed without Akaashi inside of it. Kuroo got up on his elbow, lower lip trembling. He fell back into the sheets with his mind unwilling to stop the intruding thoughts of worry.

“Maybe he needs more time to study.” That prompted Kuroo to get up. He peeked out of the room. Akaashi was asleep on the couch, obviously on purpose. “Maybe he wants to get up sooner in the morning.” Kuroo reassured himself with a white lie.

“You could have stayed with me.” Kuroo thought in the morning as he watched Keiji sleeping at the unusual hour of ten o´clock in the morning.

 

**3**

 

He meant it. Kuroo always meant the words he let out of his mouth. The recipes were never used, not even when Akaashi was clearly going out of his mind with all the studying he had to go through. Kuroo understood, but it made him feel hollow. Was this not enough?

“Um, would you teach me?” Kuroo asked one afternoon, standing in the kitchen, not sure where to start with cooking by himself.

“Not now, maybe later.”

Maybe later changed into never.

“Keiji! You are finally cooking!”

Akaashi turned to him. “Yep, I need to switch off.”

“May I help? I want to learn and then I can be the one who will feed us properly!” Kuroo was excited, ready to put the apron over him.

Akaashi watched him with his mouth opened. “Ye… okay.”

Kuroo looked towards the exit. He wanted to run away.

He wasn´t invited into Akaashi Keiji´s space.

He wasn´t invited.

 

**4**

 

Kuroo watched him as a piece of the painting hanging in the gallery filled with masterpieces. He wanted to shout at him - you are my masterpiece - but didn´t. Before he could open his mouth, the voice in his head stopped him.

It wasn´t right – the words did not belong to Akaahi Keiji - which made Kuroo dizzy, trying to grab onto something.

He listened anyway. It was those exact moments of volleyball knowledge Akaashi unexpectedly threw at him. A word here and there, catching Kuroo off guard.

“It´s even better live. Have you changed your mind? I am going to get tickets and Bo…”

“No, thank you.”

Kuroo accepted the answer, so he tried a different tactic. “What about my own matches? We are planning to meet regularly after the graduation. We could…”

“I don´t see it happening, Tetsurou, but thank you for thinking of me.” Akaashi bowed a bit.

“But why?” Kuroo asked, surprised by his own courage. “I try to understand, but you are so adamant about not going, it makes me question everything.”

Akaashi touched his cheek like someone slapped him. “Question everything?”

“It’s been too long. These are only small things, I know. They matter to me and I miss them. Once in a while, you know?” Corners of Kuroo´s lips fell down. He shook his head, making Akaashi´s heart beat a lot faster. There was a fight building up within him. Was it to fight against him, or alongside?

Akaashi closed his eyes. “You are right. I will try to get better at this. I guess I still haven´t got used to this. I always managed by myself and these three years… I guess I am still keeping some of it just for myself. I didn´t realize how it affected you and I am sorry.”

Kuroo sat down, lowering head into his palms. “I am sorry for making you apologizing.” He looked up at him. “You do realize this is what I needed? To understand? I am asking only for once in a while.”

Akaashi sat by his side. “I will try. I like those small things too.”

There was no way Kuroo would believe that. “Maybe not with me?” he whispered hopelessly.

Akaashi didn´t disagree with him. “Maybe I am pushing him away.” Keiji wasn´t sure if he said it out loud.

 

**5**

 

“I love this,” Akaashi admitted, watching another movie at the almost empty cinema.

Kuroo smiled widely, pride emanating out of him. “You love movies, but hate crowds, so this is the perfect compromise.”

“It is.” Akaashi leaned forward, immersed in the scene filled with moonlight and dancing. “That´s not real,” he said after the credits rolled. “That romance was so forced and cheesy. Ah.”

Kuroo frowned. “It´s just a movie. You shouldn´t be so nitpicky, it wasn´t that big of a deal.”

“I know,” Akaashi agree.

It happened again.

And then again.

Kuroo tried, but Akaashi always found something wrong with every movie he chose to see. “Could you not, please? I like it, I like cheese and sappy romances and unreal action. If I wanted the reality, I would stay at home.”

Akaashi had no comment on these words.

 

**6**

 

Akaashi stood in front of a theatre. He wanted to phone Kuroo, but knew he was on an emergency calls at his internship. There were many moving bodies making Akaashi uneasy, his gut growled in not a hungry way, but he really wanted to see it.

He wanted to see it by himself, but not alone.

It didn´t make sense.

He took out his phone anyway, not waiting for Kuroo to answer. Akaashi walked in, not knowing Kuroo caught a glimpse of him, as he came inside to watch the play without him.

Akaashi sat down, closing his eyes. His heart wanted to jump out of him, but he endured. If he would be able to go through it this one time, he would be able to do the same with Tetsurou. Maybe not too often, maybe once in a while, but it would be for him and only him.

Kuroo Tetsurou had no idea about this train of thought in his boyfriends mind.

 

**7**

 

“I don´t think that´s a good idea,” Akaashi disagreed at the thought of Kuroo getting a tattoo of him. “My K can mean anything, but my face on your body?” His voice was unnaturally high and loud.

Kuroo frowned. “I know. Are you trying to tell me we won´t last?” Because that would be a bummer, considering the engagement ring in his pocket.

“Anything but the face, okay?”

“Fine.” Kuroo didn´t want any more tattoos anyway. “What about the earring? Can I get that?”

Keiji´s eyes widened. “You don´t like wearing jewelry, so why would you?”

“Why would I?” Kuroo´s heart slowed down like it was dying, bit by bit.

Akaashi came to him, embracing him. “Stay yourself, Kuroo Tetsurou. Don´t change these things for me. You already do enough for me as it is, accepting all my flaws. This is not needed.”

Kuroo nodded. “I guess you are right.”

 

**8**

 

“Don´t do it for me,” Kuroo said after the month of Akaashi not smoking, seeing him lash out too often. “Do it for yourself. If you are not ready, don´t do it at all.”

Akaashi had to agree. “But I wanted to.”

“I know.” Kuroo smiled, kissing him softly, adding, “Be yourself. Don´t change for me. You´d come to resent me.”

 

* * *

* * *

 

“Is it so wrong? To want to change things? What do you even want?” Akaashi´s voice was loud and angry.

“Keiji…”

“Don´t Keiji me,” his breath was hard, he sobbed being close to crying. What was happening to him? The world was spinning too quickly.

Kuroo tried to reach his shoulders, failing. “Please, Keiji. Those small things are enough, don´t you get it?”

Akaashi shrugged. “But you want big things! You love big gestures!”

“That doesn´t mean you have to do them. We complement each other, don´t we?” Kuroo´s voice was filled with hope.

“I don´t know anymore,” Akaashi calmed down. “I want you to appreciate these things.”

“What things?” Kuroo honestly had no idea. “I can´t know if you don´t speak to me.”

Akaashi became motionless. Did he really expect him to read his mind? “What about you flirting with Iwaizumi? Do you think it was…”

Kuroo opened his mouth, shocked. “I didn´t flirt with him. Not really, you know my flirting skills, Keiji. And…” His voice retained its tone, calm and collected. Akaashi watched him carefully, expecting yelling. Kuroo never raised his voice at him. Ever.

“Let´s appreciate each other, shall we? We can move forward from this.” Kuroo was there to fight with everything he owned.

Akaashi nodded silently, falling into Kuroo´s warm embrace.

 

* * *

* * *

 

The mornings came without a kiss,

The coming home happened without a kiss,

The quiet was there, in the grasp of two empty souls,

Then the making up happened, in the heat of the moment and the fire of the sheets.

The apologies arrived as they moaned and breathed hard,

The ring burned a hole into Kuroo´s palm, as he squeezed it, as a shard.

And then he was ready to do it, because he believed.

The dinner of the proposal was getting close,

But Akaashi Keiji never came.

 

“I am a dark tunnel and you are the beacon of light leading them to a better place.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are at the end. Thank you for your time!


	6. EPILOGUE - TETSUROU & AKAASHI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo sat on the floor, lost in his mistakes, lost inside of the dreams. “You finished us, Akaashi Keiji, but I was the one who started the beginning of the end.”
> 
> The time passed, months ran away and Akaashi woke up with a dread in his chest. He can´t be alone, he can´t be without him.  
> This is not right.

And so they broke.

Time couldn´t save them

Gestures huge and small couldn´t help them

Love betrayed them.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Where are you, Keiji? It´s raining. I am waiting for you.” Another text message from Kuroo._

_“I can´t make it. Sorry, school work.”_

_“But…”_

_Akaashi didn´t lie, but he could rearrange some things. He loved him. He wanted to be with him. So why wasn´t he, when Tetsurou needed him the most?_

_Another text message came. “I can´t anymore.”_

_The phone fell to the ground with a loud bang. Keiji put his hand on his chest. Something inside of him broke._

_The rain got heavier. It made him remember the first day they met, through the window of the dance studio. The only time Kuroo saw him dancing._

_It was raining even then, as if it knew before they did._

_Akaashi felt the heat coming up his face. His body threw itself on the bed. When did he fall asleep? It was three in the morning, flat still occupied only by himself. His heartbeat spiked up. What if Kuroo came, packed his stuff and left? No, he wouldn´t do that. Akaashi looked around. Nothing, he still hasn´t come home._

_Panic set in._

_He ran to the kitchen, found the pack of cigarettes he threw away when he decided to quit smoking._

_For him._

_Blue ashtray, a birthday gift from Kuroo, stood on the kitchen counter, ready to be used differently._

_Not today._

_Akaashi stretched his hand out._

_Another loud bang, then the rattling of the keys._

_Kuroo came home, noticing broken gift first. “You didn´t have to,” he said almost silently._

_“I didn´t mean to,” Akaashi admitted._

_“Okay.” Kuroo locked himself in the bathroom._

_Where was he so long? He was pretty sure his face was red from the tears. Kuroo didn´t cry, right?_

_Right?_

_Akaashi knocked on the door. “Tetsu?” He never called him that._

_Before the wake up of first sun rays, Kuroo Tetsurou left forever, leaving part of his heart and soul behind._

* * *

 

 

And as I let you go, I fall

And as we let go, we fall.

The images of what could have been are a flood not stopping,

It´s incoming, I am drowning,

We are drowning,

The life we created is dying.

The images are flooding.

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo smiled as he pictured their wedding dance. The first time Akaashi would dance with him with only a couple of friends attending, nothing big as Keiji always hoped for. He didn´t need anything that Keiji didn´t need, simple as that.

Then he thought about Akaashi´s first wide smile around Kuroo as they would cut the cake, totally incompetent.

One dance.

One smile.

For one, meaningful time.

Nothing more,

But nothing less.

 

Kuroo sat on the floor, lost in his mistakes, lost inside of the dreams. “You finished us, Akaashi Keiji, but I was the one who started the beginning of the end.”

 

* * *

 

 

Akaashi squeezed the things belonging to him, touching the remnants of his presence with the fingertips. Eyes closed, heart shattered.

It was the cuddles he thought of and loved so much, repeating the action all over again in the past, present, also future. As an old men, on an old porch, creaking chairs, Tetsurou and Akaashi for the eternity.

It was Akaashi who cooked from time to time, it was Akaashi who tried to smile more, and it was Akaashi asking him for one last dance before they go. It was him by Kuroo´s side at the volleyball match, cheering on his favorite team.

 

Akaashi was lying on the bed sheets scented with Kuroo´s life as he was remembering his stubbornness and the hopes he had. “I pushed the last button, hit the last nail in our coffin. But it wasn´t only me, was it? We both lost it, unable to find it again, whatever it was.” I will change it for the future, I wish the same for you.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

Those small things that mattered.

They created the big ones.

They were the compromise none of them was able to see.

And when they saw,

They couldn´t comprehend it.

 

Even though Kuroo wasn´t alone at his graduation, he was lonely.

And as they walked away, he felt something.

He wanted to turn his back, but didn´t.

There was something, someone calling to him.

If it wasn´t Keiji, it didn´t matter.

 

* * *

 

 

The time passed, months ran away and Akaashi woke up with a dread in his chest. He can´t be alone, he can´t be without him.

This is not right.

He gave too much into their relationship. No, not him, they. He finally understood.

Akaashi Keiji was going to fight.

He walked towards the building Kuroo lived in. There was a party going on. Akaashi hesitated, only for a while. He was ready to do this. _He was there to fight._

Then he saw them. Kuroo wasn´t alone, but in a presence of a man Akaashi knew as Kozume Kenma, his friend from the train taking them to and from school every day.

Was this just a funny coincidence? Was it even happening?

Akaashi watched the scene unfold in front of him. He understood what was going on. Kuroo was unhappy, not ready to move on. There was Kenma, standing by his side, full of wishes he could help him.

Keiji felt a smile spreading on his face.

No matter what was happening with the two of them, it was good for the duo. Kenma might become everything Kuroo needed Akaashi to be and Kuroo was everything Kenma always wanted, even though he would never admit it out loud.

Akaashi couldn´t stop smiling at the thought of them becoming friends, or something more. His hand flew to his chest, heart beat going like crazy with a song of a sadness, not the anger, as he expected.

The pain was still raw, unyielding.

 

* * *

* * *

 

_Some time before_

 

Kuroo watched the young man with a very long here, curious at the sight of him. Did they know each other? He couldn´t remember, but something about him felt familiar. Why was he so adamant to help him, after he found him with the heart broken and the flowers fallen? Kuroo needed a friend, so he took anything he could get.

Kuroo Tetsurou never regretted meeting Kozume Kenma, and he certainly didn´t regret having a short-lived life with Akaashi Keiji.

 

Akaashi watched the fancy looking man approach him. No. Just no, shouted his thoughts. Then a gnawing feeling of the past came to him, not letting go. Why was this man so persistent? What was it about Akaashi that made his co-worker go head over heels for him?

He tried to fight him off with his cold exterior. Bokuto Koutaro saw right through him in a manner Keiji never comprehended

And Keiji needed a new friend, someone who would let him to be taken care of.

Akaashi Keiji realized, he would never regret meeting Bokuto Koutato and he certainly wasn´t going to regret building a short-lived life with Kuroo Tetsurou.

 

* * *

 

Akaashi stared at the computer screen with the email he never sent. “It was real. It was real. Everything was real.”

 

* * *

 

Even with the broken heart,

The friendship can bloom.

And it did.

In a way none of them expected.

They might have cried, yelled, or laughed,

But they were.

They were there,

For each other,

For themselves,

They built and they broke,

But they never really fell.

And the friendships have blossomed,

From the pillars of experience,

And the decisions of freedom.

 

_It was time to start anew._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to anyone who stuck with this short story until the end. I know this is not happy ending in a sense of romantic ship, but it is a chance to learn and to move on.
> 
> Comments and kudos always appreciated, as you for sure know and please, take care of yourself!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to anyone who read this, I can´t wait to share with you the rest of the chapters!
> 
> Kudos and comments always appreciated, don´t hesitate to talk to me!
> 
> tumblr: insomniamagic
> 
> Have a beautiful day, lovelies :)


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